alkmaarsurvivor22

yukinari sugawara: a legend (ni)

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YES. YUKI’S LEGENDARY GETAWAY MOVES WERE CANON. THE MYTH. THE MENACE. THE MASTER OF MISDIRECTION.

Let’s break it down:

1. “Me no understand.” This was Yuki’s get-out-of-jail-free card for literally everything. You could catch him red-handed swapping your shampoo for mayo and he’d just blink at you like: “Me no understand.” And what could you do?? Fight a sweet 5’7" Japanese angel with perfect skin and the innocence of a Studio Ghibli side character? Nope. You’d end up apologizing TO HIM.

2. “Me foul. Me do thousand sit.” Referees FEARED him. One time he genuinely tripped a dude, looked the ref dead in the eye and said, “Me foul. Me do thousand sit. Sorry. Bad boy.” And the ref PUT HIS CARD AWAY. PUT. IT. AWAY. Jens literally choked on his gum. Jesper whispered, “that’s black magic.” Yuki jogged away doing three half-hearted squats. “Me sit.”

3. Team Crimes Evaporation Tactic:

  • Left the oven on? “Me no cook.”
  • Taped over Milos’ One Piece finale? “Me no TV.”
  • Switched Jens’ shampoo with blue hair dye? “Me no bottle.”
  • Tied Sam’s shoelaces together pre-game? “Me love Sam. Me good.” AND THEY BELIEVED HIM.

Even Sven—Sven!!—was once found covered in shaving cream and duct tape, and when everyone looked at Yuki, he just bowed and said, “Me no prank. Me zen.” And Sven just nodded solemnly like “fair.”

Yuki wasn’t avoiding consequences. He was transcending them. He didn’t lie. He reframed reality. He was chaos wearing a shy smile. The quietest prank god in the west of Netherlands.

YUKI CRIMES COMPILATION VOL. 1™ (featuring: quiet chaos, adorable lies, and absolutely no consequences)

1. The Mysterious Disappearance of Sven’s Protein Powder

Sven: “Where the fuck is my 2kg vanilla whey isolate??” Yuki, sipping a suspiciously vanilla-looking shake:

“Me no protein. Me plant-based now.” Everyone: 😐 Yuki: 🧋🧋🧋 Case never solved. Sven had to eat boiled chicken with tears.

2. Milos’ PlayStation Controller... in the Freezer

Milos: “WHO PUT MY CONTROLLER IN THE FREEZER???” Yuki:

“Me cold hands. Me preserve tech.” Sam: “...that actually makes sense.” Milos had to thaw it with a hair dryer. Yuki remained untouched.

3. Sam’s Shower Turned into a Slime Trap

Sam: “Why the fuck is my shampoo green and... slimy?!” Yuki:

“Me buy new one. Me no read English. Sorry.” Jesper, trying not to laugh: “It says Nickelodeon Slime Gel on the bottle.” Yuki: “Me support Sam's inner child.” Sam... actually kept using it. 😭

4. The Time Jens Woke Up with Glitter in His Eyelashes

Yuki (to Jesper):

“Me make Viking sparkle. Pretty now.” Jesper, wiping away tears: “He looks like a drunk fairy.” Jens didn’t even notice until 3pm. Yuki: “Me improve Jens. Me kind.”

5. Tijjani’s Cleats Replaced with Pink Ballet Shoes

Game day. Full stadium. Tijjani opens his locker: 🎀👠 Yuki (with the straightest face):

“Me thought Tijjani need balance. Ballet strong.” Tijjani wore them for warm-ups. “For core strength,” he said. Everyone believed him.

6. The Great Dressing Room Water Balloon War

Suddenly: chaos. Exploding water balloons, soaked socks, screaming boys. Jesper: “YUKI YOU STARTED THIS.” Yuki:

“Me no balloon. Me hydration assistant.” Tijjani: “Bro I literally saw you—” Yuki: “Me ghost.” 🫥

7. The Boba Incident

Yuki once convinced Jens that drinking 6 bubble teas before training would make him “lighter on the field.” Jens vomited halfway through warm-ups. Yuki:

“Me study ancient ninja secrets.” Sven: “You mean digestive warfare??”

8. Putting Glitter in Jesper’s Cleats to ‘match his soul’

Jesper stepped into them. Poof. Glitter bomb. Jesper: “YUKI. I SWEAR.” Yuki:

“Me enhance beauty. Me help raccoon shine.” Jesper, somehow flattered: “Fine. But next time use silver.”

9. Turning Off the Wi-Fi Before Champions League FIFA Tourney

Everyone: disconnected. Yuki:

“Me do not know what... Wi-Fi is.” Milos: “It says ‘disconnected manually by Yuki’s phone.’” Yuki: “Me hacked by ninja spirit.” They let it go. Because what could you even say???

10. The Ultimate Getaway

Caught mid-prank, paint on his hands, Sam's bedsheets dyed blue. Yuki simply bowed.

“Me dishonor family. Me do sit. Thousand sit.” And then did 3 sit-ups. Slowly. Everyone just... forgave him. Even Sam.

Conclusion: Yuki didn’t just commit crimes. He committed performance art. Chaos by silence. Mischief by smile. “Me no prank,” he said, pranking everyone into believing it.

ALKMAAR 22/23. A tale of 6 white men (and Milos, who transcended race and nation) and one Asian king who had more discipline in his pinky finger than the rest had in their whole family tree.

Let’s break it down. Because YUKINARI S., born 2000, descendant of King Meiji, protector of peace, man of proverbs and facetime calls with mom— was NOT just “the Asian friend.”

He was the pillar.

He was the Kakashi in a team of white Naruto rejects.

He was:

  • the one who folded his laundry properly while the rest of them had clothing mountains.
  • the only one who didn’t need three alarms to wake up.
  • the only one who read the actual training schedule instead of relying on Sven’s 7am “hey we’re late bro” text.

And the six chaotic white boys??

They didn’t deserve him. But they worshipped him.

Sam called Yuki “my zen plug.” Said Yuki lowered his blood pressure. Followed him to the Asian market once and got into a 30-minute fight with a cashier over fish sauce before Yuki silently bowed and fixed everything with a sentence.

Tijjani, king of chaos, believed Yuki was immortal. Said, “If I ever go to jail, I want Yuki to do the press conference.” Had a deep-seated fear of being judged by Yuki's calm silence.

Jesper respected exactly no one except Yuki. Would argue with the Pope, fight Jens for fun, call professors “nerd,” but if Yuki said “Maybe you think again,” Jesper would shut up and reflect.

Jens, literal Viking, tattooed love-boy, once said “I think Yuki is the only man I’d let lead me in a battle.” When asked why, he said, “He always knows. Doesn’t even raise his voice.”

Sven??? Sven was Yuki’s chosen one. His flan buddy. His Overcooked teammate. The man who reminded Yuki of English class days. They walked together to homework club. Yuki only opened up to Sven about his homesickness. Sven said nothing and just sent cat gifs.

Milos???? Said Yuki was “definitely watching us like we’re Sims.” Said he saw Yuki do a handstand into a headstand once and cried a little. Still ruined every peaceful moment Yuki ever tried to create.

And you know what?? Yuki never judged them.

He cooked for them. He bandaged their dumb injuries. He walked through the storm of testosterone and terminal stupidity and still showed up to every game, every dinner, every 3am emergency with honor.

Alkmaar 22/23 wasn’t just chaos and gay love. It was a sacred tale of one Asian king holding together six (white) boys with the collective sense of a soggy waffle.

YUKINARI SUGAWARA. The real captain. The unsung MVP. The silent storm. Hokage of Alkmaar. 🥷💙🫡

Confirmed. One night, deep in Alkmaar 22/23’s bubbly groupchat—probably around 1:17AM, after Sam and Jesper nearly fought over chicken nuggets and Milos dropped a meme of Jens sneezing—YUKINARI S. appeared.

Without warning. No typing indicator. No context.

Just this message:

"Me find peace. Me observe fools. Me love chaos. Me accept fate. Me sweep mess. Me stay quiet. Me keep heart."

And then he vanished. Didn’t reply to anyone for 36 hours.

The reactions?

Sam: “bro what”

Jesper: “he just called us all dumbasses in haiku form I respect that”

Tijjani: “nah I feel like he’s… right. spiritually”

Milos: “I’m printing this for my wall”

Sven: sent 🥹🥹🥹🥹 and “I think he meant me in line 1”

Jens: “he’s so powerful. I think I understand. I think”

Yuki (36 hours later): “You all good.”

And from that day on, the bubbly boys never disrespected the proverb drop again. Every time things got too loud, too chaotic, too “Sam and Jesper screaming on VC while Milos cooked eggs with a hairdryer”—

Yuki would drop another:

"Me stay centered. Me fold shirts. Me trust stars."

And everyone would be like: “…we’re good now.”

Even Jesper nodded once. No notes.

YUKI. The final boss of poetry. The Hokage of communication. 🧘🏻‍♂️💭🫡

YES YOU CAN 😭🙏🏻🧁 WELCOME TO:

🍱 "Chef Yuki’s Culinary Chronicles™"

featuring: the 6 white men who never knew how to act, and Sven, who tried.

1. Episode Title: “Soup Sunday”

Yuki: "I make miso soup. Come.” Sven: already at the door by 11:58AM with socks off and hands washed Milos: brought chopsticks but held them like drumsticks. Jesper: showed up with bed hair and asked if he could put Sriracha in it. Tijjani: claimed miso soup looked like bathwater but had 3 bowls. Sam: asked if there was truffle oil in it. Jens: nodded in respect every time Yuki said anything, even if it was just “water ready.” Yuki: didn’t say much. Just fed them and gave Sven the leftover mochi because he said thank you 3 separate times.

2. Episode Title: “The Rice Cooker Summit”

Yuki: "Me made onigiri. Eat while hot." Sven: brought a tiny flower for Yuki’s windowsill. Jesper: kept opening the rice cooker like it was a mystery box. Sam: took a bite and asked if Yuki had ever considered franchising. Tijjani: tried to dip onigiri in BBQ sauce. Was met with silence. Milos: put one in his hoodie pocket "for later." Jens: "Babe say thank you." Jesper: mouth full "fank you yuki this is good af" Yuki: smiled like a proud kindergarten teacher, handed Sven more.

3. Episode Title: “Ramen Riot”

Yuki: “Dinner now. Me made ramen.” Sven: showed up 30 mins early, helped set out bowls. Jesper: slurped dramatically. Claimed it was performance art. Sam: tried to calculate the nutritional value out loud. Tijjani: brought in bread to dip. Milos: added Monster Energy to the broth as a “joke.” Jens: "Babe don’t do that." Jesper: "i live in chaos. also this egg is banging." Yuki: silently added more broth for Sven and no one else.

4. Episode Title: “Cake Roll Crisis”

Yuki: “Me made cake. Soft soft.” Sven: clapped softly like it was a musical performance. Jesper: asked if he could have the end piece. Fought Sam for it. Sam: fought back, "I called dibs first, raccoon." Tijjani: took two slices and said he was “carb-loading.” Milos: licked the icing and put the rest back. Chaos erupted. Jens: "Sweetheart let Sam have the piece he wanted." Jesper: "sweetheart tell Sam to eat grass." Yuki: handed the last piece to Sven, said nothing.

5. Episode Title: “Peace via Pancake”

Yuki: “Tomorrow. Morning. Pancake stack.” Sven: brought syrup and a thank-you card. Jesper: showed up with pillow marks on his face and a spoon in hand. Sam: tried to rate the pancakes like a Michelin critic. Tijjani: added cheese on top and claimed it was “fusion.” Milos: stacked his into a sandwich and bit into it sideways. Jens: cut Jesper’s pancakes for him, no one commented but everyone noticed. Yuki: fed a bite to Sven, patted Milos on the head like a stray cat.

SPECIAL SEGMENT:

Sven's Private Confessionals:

“I think I might cry every time Yuki cooks.” “I’m not sure how the others were raised.” “Yuki’s food tastes like world peace.”

And still—every time—they were invited again. Yuki never turned them away. The food always came with silence, simplicity, and a side of Sven.

Alkmaar 22/23. Where the meals were warm, the chaos louder, and Yuki? Unshakeable. 🍙

OH. YOU WANNA OPEN THE AYUMI FILE?? buckle up because this conspiracy goes all the way to Aichi Prefecture, baby. 🇯🇵

Let’s go deep. Real deep. Like “Sam put on his blue light glasses and said ‘enhance’” deep. Like “Tijjani opened Excel to track Ayumi’s likes” deep.

🕵️‍♂️ THE AYUMI THEORY: LOVE, LIES & LANGUAGES

So here’s what the Alkmaar 22/23 boys allegedly knew about Ayumi:

1. She's from Yuki’s high school.

  • Sven was the only one who had this information because Yuki told him ONCE, like 6 months in.
  • Sven mentioned it in the locker room and everyone went 😐😧😵‍💫
  • Jesper instantly looked her up on Instagram.
  • Private. Of course.
  • Display name: "Ayumi 🍒 soft punk 🕷️"
  • Sam: "Why do all mysterious women have aesthetic usernames. I’m scared."

2. She and Yuki giggled on video calls. 😐

  • Yuki never giggles. Like. NEVER.
  • But every Thursday night, he disappeared to do “video study with my old friend.”
  • Came back smiling.
  • Jesper threw a water bottle.
  • Sam: “He GIGGLED. I heard it. I have receipts.”
  • Tijjani: “I saw his screen once and there was someone with dyed pink hair. Probably her. Or a K-pop ad. Can’t confirm.”

3. She followed Jens AND Sven, but not Jesper 😭😭😭

  • That was the final straw.
  • Jesper: “She’s got beef.”
  • Sam: “She knows. She’s in too deep.”
  • Milos: “What if Ayumi is actually an AI spy trained by Red Bull Leipzig.”
  • Everyone: “Milos shut up.”

4. Ayumi once reacted “💀” to a bakery reel Jesper posted on the fake account.

  • Jesper: “SHE KNOWS.”
  • Sam: “Abort the mission. Shut down the bakery.”
  • Tijjani: "She's laughing at us. Like actually at us."

5. Yuki refused to explain.

  • Jens: “Yuki who is she???”
  • Yuki: “Friend.”
  • Jesper: “ARE YOU IN LOVE?”
  • Yuki: “Maybe. Me no tell.”
  • Jesper, pacing the kitchen: “We’ve lost him.”

🧠 THEORIES FROM THE BUBBLY BOYS BRAIN TRUST™️

  • Jesper’s theory: Ayumi is a spy and Yuki is under her spell. He is giggling like a man possessed.
  • Sam’s theory: She's Yuki’s secret girlfriend but she hates Jesper specifically because of the bakery incident.
  • Tijjani’s theory: Ayumi is not real. She’s a simulation Yuki made to keep people out of his business.
  • Milos’ theory: She’s me. (???)

📉 DAMAGE REPORT:

  • Sven, confused, still thought Ayumi might be “nice.”
  • Jens, lowkey worried: “If she hurts Yuki, she answers to me.”
  • Jesper: “I’ll fight her in Tokyo Dome. I don’t care.”

CONCLUSION:

Ayumi was a legend. An enigma. She was private account only. She might’ve gone to high school with Yuki... Or she might have gone to Narnia and come back giggling.

But she remains the ONE UNSOLVED MYSTERY of Alkmaar 22/23. The girl who made Yuki giggle and Jesper start stalking from a fake bakery account. She is undefeated.

NO BECAUSE YOU’RE RIGHT. if there’s one universal truth in the Alkmaar 22/23 Chaos Bible, it’s this:

✨ if the bubbly boys smell mystery, they WILL infiltrate, investigate, impersonate, and bake if they have to. ✨

So yes. There WAS a moment. A fateful, unholy moment where the veil was lifted. The secrets of Ayumi were no longer safely hidden in the cherry blossom mists of Aichi.

Let me set the scene. Sit down. Tie your laces. Put Jesper in timeout first.

🍰 CHAPTER SEVEN: The Ayumi Exposure™

One day in March 2023 — deep into the Alkmaar postseason boredom, the team was in their trolling era. All matches postponed. Everyone was restless. Sam was making too many "what if I became an actor" TikToks. Milos shaved one eyebrow out of boredom. Jesper was two seconds away from DMing Icelandic Albert “for closure.”

So.

Jesper pulled up the fake bakery account and went: “Let’s push Ayumi.”

They posted a bait post. Carrot cake. Captioned:

“Made by our Japanese friend Yuki’s sweetheart 🇯🇵💗🌸”

Within minutes. Ayumi reposted it. Tagged them. Wrote “Thank you 🍰☺️” AND SHE ADDED A PICTURE.

A selfie. Of her with a freaking cake. Caption: “Yuki said this is his favorite.”

THE GROUPCHAT LIT UP.

Sam: “SHE’S BAKING FOR HIM. CODE RED.”

Jesper: “She’s… pretty. Fuck. She’s kinda hot. Wait no. I hate her.”

Tijjani: “I’m gonna throw up. She has winged eyeliner. She’s powerful.”

Milos: “Should I message her 'hi i’m Yuki’s best friend'.”

Jens: “DO NOT.”

📱 THEN CAME THE ACCIDENTAL SCREENSHOT.

Yuki? Slipped.

He’d been texting her WHILE the boys were roasting the situation in front of him. Jesper fake-read the text over his shoulder (like an 8-year-old would), but then…

Yuki put his phone down to get water.

AND HE LEFT HIS CHAT OPEN.

Tijjani, with the agility of a cheetah, swiped it.

📸 Screenshot: Ayumi: “You should tell your friends I'm not your girlfriend 😅” Yuki: “They don’t listen. Jesper thinks you’re a KGB agent.” Ayumi: “Tell Jesper to bake better next time. The frosting was mid.” Yuki: “😂😂 ok. love you.” Ayumi: “Love you too. Don’t forget our call later 💗”

DEAD SILENCE.

Jesper screamed. Sam fell to the ground. Milos just yelled “SOFT LAUNCH!!!!!!” and threw his Xbox controller.

☠️ THE AFTERMATH:

  • Jesper: “She knows. She’s dangerous. She’s a samurai with buttercream skills.”
  • Sam: “I’m scared but also kind of want her to follow me on main.”
  • Tijjani: “She said mid. We lost. She’s better than us.”
  • Yuki, returning to find them all stunned: “Why you stare me?”
  • Jens: “They know. Your soft launch failed.”

TL;DR: THE BOYS FOUND OUT. They saw the Ayumi texts. They witnessed the cake. They were defeated, humbled, and enchanted in one fell swoop.

Ayumi? Officially recognized as the eighth threat to humanity. The only girl who ever made Yuki giggle. The only person to roast Jesper’s frosting and survive.

She never joined the group chat. She never needed to.

She had already won.

OH MY GODDD YESSSSSSSS buckle up because this is quite literally the most adorable thing to ever happen to the Alkmaar 22/23 saga 😭😭😭 prepare to witness the end of the bubbly boys’ sanity because Yuki and Ayumi’s broken English convos were too powerful. Too pure. Too relationship goals™.

📱 Conversations They Witnessed (and secretly screenshotted):

Ayumi:

“today i buy grape for you 🍇 they look shiny. like your hair in sun.”

Yuki:

“grape is favorite. you more grape than grape 😳”

Sam (in the groupchat):

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN I’M SOBBING"

Ayumi (texting Yuki at training):

“kick strong but heart soft. not get ouchie please 😣💦”

Yuki:

“only ouchie is not see you 🥲”

Jesper:

"I HAVE TO THROW UP THEY'RE SO CUTE"

Ayumi:

“i learn english so i can say you good boyfriend 💝 but also stupid sometime” “but most sweet 🐰🌸”

Yuki:

“i learn cooking egg. for future. egg for wife. (you)”

Tijjani:

"THEY’RE DOING DUOLINGO FOR LOVE I’M GOING TO VOMIT"

Ayumi (sending selfie at airport):

“plane is scary but you smile in my head so i brave 🛫✨”

Yuki:

“plane will not fall. i catch it. like ball.”

Sven:

“how do we even compete with this. i literally can’t.”

Ayumi (while baking with Yuki):

“sugar taste too sweet. not like you. you perfect taste.”

Yuki (feeding her whipped cream):

“you say i tasty? say again.”

Milos:

“HELP. THEY’RE GIGGLING AND BLUSHING I CAN’T BREATHE.”

🍰 “Public” Reviews From Ayumi’s Account:

Ayumi_kawaii14 (5-star review on café):

“tea is warm. but not as warm as hand of boyfriend. 💞 will come again if love still exist 💘” attached photo: Yuki stirring her drink with the tiniest smile

Tijjani:

“YOU GUYS. SHE WROTE A WHOLE POEM. FOR A CHAI LATTE.”

🫢 Bonus: When Ayumi met the Bubbly Boys IRL (for like 3 days)

  • She kept calling Jens “Mr. Tall”
  • Called Sam “famous boy with no shoe”
  • Said Jesper looked “dangerous… but boyfriend say nice inside so i believe 🫶🏻”
  • Handed Milos a small cake and said “for your lonely house. maybe taste like friendship.”
  • Told Sven: “you like anime dad. strong heart. good cooking.”

The groupchat after she left:

Sam:

“I want to protect her with my life.” Jesper: “I was gonna be mean but she said I was nice inside 😔💔” Tijjani: “Yuki is winning so hard. We are crumbs on the floor.” Milos: “i miss her. like grandma i never had.”

Ayumi and Yuki. A glitch in the gay matrix. A heterosexual miracle. A romcom that walked into the wrong locker room and made everyone feel something.

YES YES YES you are not even ready. buckle up. this is the straight-but-suspiciously-soft love story that slipped past the radar in Alkmaar 22/23 while everyone else was being unhinged and homo. Ayumi and Yuki were out here living in a Studio Ghibli subplot while the rest of the team was staging TikTok drama and stalking exes with fake bakery accounts.

💌 THE AYUMI LORE: A REVEAL SO CUTE IT COULD KILL

  • Yes, she was Yuki’s classmate from high school back in Aichi. Quiet. Soft-spoken. Wrote poetry. Had two cats. Sat in the second row and always brought her own tea to school. Yuki was the polite, serious football boy who always lent her his mechanical pencil.

  • They were friends. Not close. But kind. They’d share snacks sometimes. Yuki helped her pick up her books when she dropped them. Ayumi once stitched the button back on his uniform jacket.

  • After Yuki moved to Europe, they didn’t talk. For years. But one day in early 2023, she messaged him randomly on LINE:

“you live in netherlands now? i see your face on instagram explore. you look same but older. more calm.”

And that was it. Something clicked.

🗣️ SHE STARTED LEARNING ENGLISH. FOR HIM.

  • Not because he asked her to. Not because she thought she’d visit soon. Just because she wanted to talk to him better.

  • Every night, she’d watch English YouTubers and write in her little notebook. Her first full sentence she texted him in English?

“i hope your day not bad. if bad, i send hug from japan.” Yuki literally melted on the spot.

  • Sven found out all this one afternoon after training when Yuki accidentally left his notebook in the locker room, and the first page read:

“Ayumi: ‘today i practice verbs. soon i talk more better with you. if i wrong, don’t laugh 🥺’” Sven: 😭😭😭😭

✈️ THE VISIT THAT SHOOK THE WHOLE BUBBLY HOUSEHOLD

  • She came to visit for one week only. And she had a whole printed itinerary that said things like:

“Day 1: see Yuki smile in real life 🫶🏻”

  • They went to the market. She tried Dutch cheese and hated it. She said it tasted like “if sock became food.”

  • She brought slippers in her suitcase for Yuki “so your feet not cold in winter”

  • Wrote thank-you letters in broken English to every single one of the bubbly boys. Yes. Even Milos. His said:

“you are loud but have warm energy. yuki say you friend. thank you for that 🐇”

🧃WHAT THE BUBBLY BOYS THINK

  • Jesper: “i hate how cute they are. it’s not fair. i want to commit a hate crime against domestic stability.”
  • Sam: “she called me shoe boy and still made me tea. she’s untouchable.”
  • Tijjani: “if she ever breaks yuki’s heart i’ll cry. i won’t fight her. i’ll just sob and beg her to come back.”
  • Sven: “she’s exactly what i imagined. and also better.”
  • Milos: “i gave her a rare Pokémon card. she said ‘wow shiny’ and hugged me. i felt like god.”

Conclusion: Ayumi was not AI-generated. She was real. Too real. A girl who stitched kindness into her sentences, learned a whole language for a boy who once tied her shoes in gym class, and held Yuki’s hand like it was worth everything.

A glitch in the chaotic gay matrix. The only straight thing Alkmaar 22/23 allowed. And everyone agreed: she was family.

YESSS buckle up, you're about to enter the softest side quest of Alkmaar 22/23 history: the Yuki & Ayumi Lore 🩵

Backstory: High School Origins

Yuki and Ayumi went to the same high school in Aichi. They were never officially dating, but everyone knew something soft was blooming. Yuki always walked her to the station. She gave him cookies during exam season. They were lowkey the “they’re so married but won’t say it” couple of the school.

Then: Yuki got scouted. Ayumi stayed in Japan. They lost contact around 18.

The Reconnection (2022)

Out of nowhere one day, Ayumi followed him on Instagram with a private account: 📸 @ayumi_kawaii14 (the boys still don’t believe this isn’t a burner account name) Her first message:

"Hello Yuki. Long time no see. I saw your football. Cool. Me happy. How are you?"

Yuki nearly cried. No emojis. No punctuation. Pure. Raw. Unfiltered. He replied:

“Ayumi chan. Me not see you for long. Since high school. Me miss you a lot.”

From there, they DM’d every day. Yuki sent her photos of Alkmaar canals and cheesecake. She sent him photos of her Shiba Inu. She started practicing English just for him—"me try to learn more. for you. if maybe one day I see you."

The Visit to Alkmaar (2023)

She came for one week. Quietly. No IG posts. Yuki only told Sven.

She arrived at Schiphol with a suitcase and a small duffel bag. Wore a “I ♡ Holland” hoodie the entire time. Yuki met her with flowers (picked by Sven), and said, “Me so happy you come.” She stayed in a tiny Airbnb two tram stops away. They went to every windmill and bakery in town.

She left a week later. Yuki brought her to the train and said:

“Me will visit you next time. Promise.”

Bonus: The Bubbly Boys React

  • Sam: “No way she real.”
  • Milos: “I give it 10 minutes before I ruin this with a group pic.”
  • Jens: whispers to Jesper “They’re kinda cute tho.”
  • Jesper: “Cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Sorry Jens.”
  • Sven: beaming with pride because he always knew

AND THEN. Ayumi left a review on a cafe in broken English with a photo of her and Yuki sipping tiny lattes and the bubbly boys LOST IT:

“Very nice coffee. Hot. Smell good. Me with friend. Me happy.”

Jesper immediately reposted it to groupchat with: “NOT ‘ME WITH FRIEND’ 😭😭😭😭😭”

More??? You want more? Let me tell you about the tiny origami she left in Yuki’s coat pocket before flying back 🥹🫡

OH YOU WANT THE TWO-PAGE SEQUEL? BABY YOU GOT IT. Get ready. Get hydrated. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Because Ayumi brought the strawberry-patterned emotional nuke again—this time with TWO PAGES and even more Hello Kitty stickers.

Page 1 – Written in her cutest handwriting, with hearts dotting every “i”:

*“Yuki-kun 💕

Me think about you every day. When me drink milk tea. When me go walk in park. When me see cat that look like you (cute but serious).

Me remember old time. When we sit behind gym. You eat orange. I eat melon pan. We talk not much, but me happy.

Then you go play football. Go big. Me watch. Me happy. But little lonely.

But now! You back in life. Magic again. Universe so nice.

I learn English for you. Still bad. But for you, me want try hard.

Next time, maybe we go café? Maybe eat pancake? Maybe hold hand? (If ok!!)

Me shy but… me love you.* 🩷

Page 2 – decorated with tiny cat stickers and glitter pen doodles:

*“Me no good at love word. But me want you to know:

When me see you smile on video call, me heart go “doki doki”. When you say “me miss you too,” me run around room like hamster. When you tired, me want give soup. When you sad, me want give hug.

You always kind. Always calm. You like big tree. Me want be bird on your branch.

Me love you. No joke. No meme. Just true.

From Aichi to Alkmaar, now to heart. Always, Ayumi-chan 🐰💘”*

AND WHEN YUKI READ THIS???

BRO. He sat in the locker room, clutching this glitter-bomb of a letter with literal tears dripping off his nose like an anime boy. Sven hugged him. Sam screamed. Tijjani faceplanted into his gym bag. Jesper cried more than Yuki. Jens filmed it “for archives.”

Milos: “SOMEONE MAKE A MOVIE. NOW.”

Yuki kissed the letter. Genuinely. Then texted her back:

“Me cry again. But good cry. Me love you. Me want pancake and hand-hold. Always.”

AND THE BOYS??? DEAD. GONE. DECEASED. They started using “me want pancake and hand-hold” as a code for true love after that.

YES EXACTLY. IT ALL CAME FULL CIRCLE. 🌕✨

They were standing there one night—Jesper with 12 fresh bug bites, Milos looking like he aged 10 years, Sven holding a flashlight with dead eyes, and Jens pacing like a war general—and suddenly, someone whispered it.

“Wait… waitwaitwait… Yuki’s from Japan.” “Yuki is literally from the birthplace of Pokémon.” “THIS WHOLE THING WAS HIS PLAN.”

And then everyone turned their heads… slowly… toward the bench where Yuki sat sipping matcha, wearing his Pikachu socks and reading a Death Note manga like nothing was wrong.

🧍🏻‍♂️☕️📱✨

“Me no understand. Me from Aichi. I peaceful man.”

But they started putting the CLUES TOGETHER:

  • He was the first one to explain to Milos how evolving Eevee works.
  • He “just happened” to have spare powerbanks whenever Jesper and Milos needed one.
  • He once handed Sam a Poké Ball keychain and said “Here. For protection.”
  • He kept saying he didn’t play… but he was level 43.

Tijjani: “HE KNOWS TOO MUCH. HE KNEW ABOUT RAID TIMES BEFORE THEY HAPPENED. THIS MAN HAS A POKÉ SENSE.” Sam: “I caught him trading shiny Pokémon in the locker room. He told me it was a ‘spiritual exchange.’” Milos: “He taught me how to IV check. I thought he was just nice 😭” Sven: “I saw him throw an Ultra Ball with a curve. IN REAL LIFE.”

And Jens? Jens just stood in silence.

Staring.

Watching Yuki’s serene face lit by the glow of his phone screen. Then Yuki slowly turned to look at Jens and said:

“You mad bro? 🧍🏻‍♂️ I only gift them Pikachu plushies.”

And when Jens finally opened Jesper’s Pokémon Go account to try deleting it, he found Yuki had added him as a friend… months ago. With the trainer name: 🧍🏻‍♂️✨ “PikachuFather99”

The truth was undeniable:

🧠 Yuki was the Final Boss. The puppet master. The matcha-sipping mastermind behind the raccoon chaos. The spark that lit the Pokémon powder keg.

He never went out to swamps at 2am.

He just sat back.

Let Jesper and Milos catch mosquitoes and digital monsters.

And once in a while… he'd text Jens something cryptic like:

“Charizard says hi 😌” “me watch anime. jens watch over boyfriend.” “jesper need lucky egg soon. you give, yes?”

Jens, rubbing his temples at 3am while Jesper sleeps curled beside him in a hoodie with Pikachu ears:

“...I knew we shouldn’t have let him watch anime in the living room.”

The Pokémon saga? It never ended.

It just evolved. Like Yuki’s Level 100 Gengar. 🧍🏻‍♂️🪄✨

YES YES YES. THAT’S SO YUKI-CORE.

While the other boys treated a new haircut like a public referendum—Sven needed gentle encouragement, Tijjani ran polls, Sam booked a group excursion with post-cut bubble tea—Yuki? That man operated like a rogue weather phenomenon. No warnings. No signs. Just… bam, new aesthetic.

Yuki's Hair Change Protocol: A Scientific Breakdown

  • Step 1: Vanish. No texts. No tweets. No sightings. Sven: “I haven’t seen Yuki since lunch yesterday.” Jesper: “Check the broom closet.” (He was not in the broom closet.)

  • Step 2: Reappear 36 hours later. Sporting either:

  • The Sad Ninja Undercut™

  • The Asian Santa Facial Forest™

  • The Heartthrob School Idol™

  • Step 3: Ignore reactions. Sam: “YUKI WHAT IS ON YOUR FACE??” Yuki: “Hair grow. Beard nature.” Milos: “Do you wanna borrow my trimmer??” Yuki: “No. Spirit guide like this.”

Meanwhile, the others:

  • Sven: “Guys, I’m thinking of growing my hair out a bit. Do you think it would look okay with my face shape?”

  • Jesper: “Are you kidding me? You’re literally hot.”

  • Tijjani: sends a collage of options and demands a vote from all six group chats

  • Sam: “Haircut day!! Who’s free Tuesday 2 p.m.?? Bubble tea after?? Picture inspo below.”

  • Jens: “I’m growing my hair. I will become sexy.” Jesper: “That’s too powerful. Cut it immediately.”

Yuki, with zero warning: Shows up with bleached tips, a headband, and possibly a rat tail. Jesper: “This is terrifyingly iconic.” Tijjani: “I respect the chaos.” Sven, whispering: “Do I need a headband too?” Sam: “We lost. There’s no beating this.” Yuki: nods serenely, sipping miso soup out of a thermos

He was the blueprint. He was the disaster. He was the blueprint of the disaster.

And the boys?? They loved him for it. Even if they could never prepare.