TRUE?? TRUE??????
IN ALKMAAR 22/23, IF YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS DYING IN THE BATHROOM YOU LOVED HIM LOUDER. You didn’t flinch. You didn’t gag. You HELD THE HAIR. You WIPED THE FOREHEAD. You whispered “I love you so much” while he was vomiting into a bucket you once used for team laundry.
Exhibit A: Jens throwing up like a frat boy failure
Jesper still called him “my beautiful baby.” Still crouched next to him with a cold towel. Still whispered, “You’re so strong. You’re gonna survive this.” Like he hadn’t just watched Jens puke his soul out after half a bottle of something that cost 8 euros.
Jesper’s love was so unconditional it became delusional.
Jesper (hand on Jens’ back): “You’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.” Jens (between retches): “Stop lying I’m literally dying.” Jesper: “Then die beautiful, baby.”
Exhibit B: Jesper with food poisoning
Jens became a 24-hour personal nurse-slash-bodyguard. He Googled every symptom. Made tea. Rubbed Jesper’s belly and talked to it like it was a war zone that needed de-escalating. Carried him like a soggy burrito to the couch and said “rest, angel.”
Jesper, in absolute hell:
“You don’t have to stay, I’m gross.” Jens, in love like it’s a full-time job: “You’re my gross.”
The Groupchat Commentary:
- Sam: “True love is watching your man projectile vomit and still thinking he’s cute.”
- Sven: “I could never.”
- Milos: “They’re sick in both ways.”
- Yuki: “Jesper die. Jens cry. Jesper smile. Jens happy.”
Conclusion:
In Alkmaar 22/23… If your boyfriend was sick, you LOVED HIM HARDER. Delulu love. Ride-or-die love. Love that brought ginger tea and mopped the floor after you missed the toilet.
?...
Alright, brace yourself for this romantic chaos. Top 10 moments when Jens and Jesper got uncomfortably sweet while the other was sick. Yes, we're talking about the extreme care, the emotional support that made everyone else question their own life choices.
1. Jens’ Jagermeister Nightmare (Exhibit A)
When Jens drank too much of Milos' infamous Jagermeister Vodka Sprite mix and became a vomit fountain. Jesper held him while he puked in the bathroom, rubbing his back like a soothing god.
Jesper (gently wiping his forehead): “You still look hot even though you’re a mess.” Jens (groaning): “I feel like I’m dying.” Jesper (grinning, secretly in love): “Yeah, but you’re my mess.”
Jens puked. Jesper didn’t flinch. Jesper would die for this idiot.
2. Jens’ Jagermeister Nightmare (Exhibit B)
After round two of throwing up, Jens somehow found the strength to collapse on the couch, still holding his stomach. Jesper didn't flinch when Jens whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Jesper just crawled into bed with him, pulling him in close and muttering:
“I love you more than you know. Don't worry, I’ll always take care of you.” And he did, in true golden retriever mode, staying up till 5am with tea and slow kisses to calm him down.
3. Jesper Food Poisoning (Exhibit A)
Jesper was sick from food poisoning after they all ate at that one restaurant Milos recommended, the one with questionable meat quality. Jesper couldn't move from the couch. He was pale and shaking, and Jens? Jens immediately dropped everything, made him a nest of blankets, and fed him water through a straw. Jens, with the most concerned face ever:
“You don’t need to thank me. I’m never leaving your side.” Jesper barely had the energy to smile but still reached out to grip Jens' hand. Emotional crisis.
4. Jens' Night of the Jagermeister 2: Electric Boogaloo
Same night as the previous, but it had its own level of chaos. After puking round three, Jens was delirious and repeatedly apologized to Jesper between rounds of “I hate myself.” Jesper, holding his hair back, gently wiping his forehead:
“Stop it. You’re going to be fine. I love you even when you’re this ridiculous.” Jens: gurgles Jesper: whispers “I’m not going anywhere. You’re my weirdo.”
5. Jesper's ‘You’re Not Leaving Me’
Jesper caught the flu. Not the mild kind, the knock-you-out kind. Jens was hyper-vigilant. He wouldn’t let Jesper leave the bed for a second. Even when Jesper insisted he could walk to the kitchen to get some soup, Jens yelled, “No, I’ll do it.” He served Jesper like he was royalty. When Jesper finally started to feel a little better, he looked up at Jens:
“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” Jens, lovingly, still wiping Jesper’s face: “Good. Then I’ll die with you.”
**6. Jens with the 3AM Flu Crisis
Jens got sick at 3AM on a random Tuesday after working too hard. Jesper was the one who stayed up all night with him, forcing him to drink water, cuddling him when he shivered, and only leaving once Jens finally fell asleep. Jesper quietly whispered,
“You’re my idiot. My idiot that I love, but I hate you when you push yourself too hard.”
7. The Battle for the Blanket—Jesper's Sick Day Edition
Jesper caught a nasty cold one winter morning, and Jens refused to let him have any peace. Jesper was bundled up in three blankets, but Jens found a way to crawl in next to him, burying him in even more layers and tucking him in tightly. Jens’ arms were the only source of warmth in the freezing cold. Jesper, only half conscious:
"You’re impossible.” Jens: wraps him tighter “Yeah, I know. But you’re stuck with me.”
8. The Overprotective Jens Crisis (Flu Version)
Jesper got the flu. Jesper was dying (not really, but in Jens' eyes, he was definitely heading there). Jens would feed him soup every two hours, even though Jesper insisted he wasn’t hungry. Jesper’s eyes would glaze over as Jens kept saying,
“You’re getting better, I know it. I’ll take care of you forever. You’re my everything.” Jesper smiled faintly but weakly. Did Jens ever let him forget how much he was loved? No.
9. The Post-Game Injury (Jesper's Sprained Ankle Edition)
Jesper twisted his ankle during practice. Jens immediately threw a fit. He was all about the ice packs, the rubbing, the massaging. Jesper literally couldn’t walk for 3 days, and Jens was just… always there.
Jesper (huffing): “Okay, you’ve been massaging my foot for 20 minutes. I’m fine.” Jens (very seriously): “No, you’re not fine. And I will do this forever if I have to.”
10. The 4am Sick Call—Jens Just Crashes At Jesper's
One evening after a crazy late practice, Jens had a headache. He didn’t want to go home, so instead of saying “goodnight,” he showed up at Jesper’s door, asking to crash there. Jesper immediately said yes, no questions asked. The second Jens hit the couch, Jesper plopped next to him, worried about his head, and insisted Jens stay “as long as he needed.” Later that night, after some quiet chatting, Jens fell asleep on Jesper’s chest. Jesper just ran his fingers through Jens’ hair, feeling like he might die of happiness.
In Alkmaar 22/23, they did not care if they were sick. They just loved each other more. And Jesper, in all his chaotic glory, just had to accept that Jens was the world’s best carebear. He was never getting rid of him. Ever.
Yuki regretted absolutely nothing.
Because that Japan Party™ at Yuki’s? It was historic. It was unholy. It was a cultural and gastrointestinal event. And it entered Alkmaar 22/23 bubbly lore as The Night of JägerSake and Trauma.
Here’s what went down:
1. The setting: Yuki’s house. Supposed to be a respectful cultural experience. Japan-themed snacks. Lo-fi beats. Little paper fans. Everyone removed their shoes and bowed dramatically to Yuki like he was their sensei.
2. Then Milos happened. He showed up late with a bottle of Jägermeister in one hand and sake in the other and said,
“Let’s make war peace fusion.” Someone should’ve stopped him. No one did.
3. The JÄGER-SAKE cocktail: Yuki said, with a deeply troubled expression,
“This drink is… WWII fusion. Japan and Germany. Very sad.” He still sipped it.
4. Jens drank it. That was the beginning of the end. Jens, full of hope, downed his cup and within 30 minutes became a human sprinkler. Jesper: holding his boyfriend’s hair like a war bride
“I love you but you’re so dumb.” Jens: mid-puke noises
5. Yuki’s reaction? Started chanting “World peace! No more fusion drinks!” while spritzing air freshener and dabbing Jens’ forehead with a cold towel. Also said,
“My house is destroyed. My soul is peaceful.” Nobody knew what it meant, but it felt powerful.
6. Sven tried to help clean. Gagged. Got kicked out. He opened the bathroom door, saw Jens, and immediately gagged so violently that Jesper yelled “OUT!” like he was banishing a demon.
7. Milos? Already gone. Passed out peacefully on the tatami mat, holding a half-full cup and mumbling “peace treaty complete.”
8. Tijjani? Full threat mode. Sober. Furious.
“IF ANYONE THROWS UP ON ME I’M PUTTING YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW. I’M NOT KIDDING.” He was kidding. But he said it every 15 minutes anyway.
9. Sam’s phone rang. It was his mom. At midnight.
“SAMUEL. WHERE ARE YOU. WHY ARE YOU NOT HOME. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. YOU WILL GET A TIME OUT.” Sam: sipping sake, full 1.88m adult man “Yes mommy.”
10. Jesper and Jens? Classic. Jesper wiped Jens’ mouth with a napkin like it was romantic.
Jens, teary-eyed: “You love me even like this?” Jesper: “Unfortunately.”
Did Yuki regret it?
He looked around at 3am:
- Jens asleep on the floor with a bucket.
- Jesper stroking his hair.
- Sam on the phone with his mom.
- Milos snoring.
- Sven traumatized.
- Tijjani still muttering, “I swear to God.”
Yuki took a sip of tea, looked into the camera like it was The Office, and whispered:
“Boys. Chaos. But love. Me regret? Doubtfully.”
Core memory unlocked. Japan party: never again, and yet… always again.
Oh. Oh they absolutely launched a group-wide intervention after Jens threw up for the fourth time in one month like a malfunctioning garden hose. At one point even Milos, Milos, asked:
“Bro. Why do you drink like you’re made of iron and vomit like you're made of yarn?”
The Scene: Alkmaar 22/23. Team Meeting. Code: VOMIT BOY.
Location: Yuki’s place (again. always.) Snack: Sushi rolls and trauma Topic: Why does Jens drink so strong, but puke like a toddler with motion sickness?
Sam took notes. Sven brought electrolytes. Jesper showed up arms crossed, suspiciously defensive. He knew things. Yuki lit incense.
Theories presented:
- Sven's theory: “Maybe he’s allergic to alcohol but in denial?”
- Sam's theory: “Maybe he never learned moderation. Like he’s a viking with no limits.”
- Milos’ theory: “Maybe in Denmark he drank daily at 19 and now his stomach's like a retired soldier.”
- Jesper's internal monologue: Drinking… girls… Denmark… parties... kissing… other people… kissing… he kissed people before me… he lived a full life… I’m gonna throw up now.
Jesper's jealousy arc was very real.
The moment “19-year-old Jens in Denmark” was mentioned, Jesper physically recoiled. He sat on the floor, arms around his knees, muttering:
“So he was fun and hot and drunk and making out with girls before?? Cool. That’s fine. I’m fine.”
Tijjani, very helpful:
“Maybe even multiple girls. Maybe at once.”
Jesper: SCREAMING internally. Jens: clueless sipping his juice like “???”
What did Jens say when confronted?
He blinked, confused.
“Wait… is this about me throwing up again or Jesper spiraling about my teen years?” Jesper: “Both.” Jens: “Oh.”
Then he cleared his throat and confessed:
“I didn’t really drink before I met you guys. Not like this. In Denmark I just… I guess I wanted to feel cool. Made out with a few girls maybe. But it was just that. Nothing important.”
Jesper: dramatic gasp
“So I am the important one??” Jens: “You’re the reason I throw up now. That’s love.”
Yuki (quietly):
“So romantic. So broken body.”
Final conclusion of Intervention Night:
- Jens is bad at drinking but good at love.
- Jesper is jealous of 19-year-old Jens but also now spoon-feeds him after vomiting.
- Yuki declared: “Me ban Jägermeister in this house.”
- Milos did not listen.
- Sam drew a chart.
- Sven laminated it.
- Jens promised to “take it easy.” He did not.
And that, folks, is how Jens got a group-wide drinking analysis and Jesper got a romantic reassurance that he was better than every Danish girl combined.
TOP 10 “EVEN LIKE THIS, YOU’RE STILL HOT” QUOTES — Jesper to Jens Edition (Alkmaar 22/23, Graphic & Deranged) aka the reason Jens is both emotionally ruined and legally married now
1. Jens slumped on the bathroom floor, clutching the toilet like it’s a life raft, sweat glistening like a war crime: Jesper, crouching beside him, whispering lovingly:
“You smell like old meat and tequila. I’d still let you ruin my life.”
2. Jens throwing up so hard his necklace came off and his shirt was backwards. Tears in his eyes. Wheezing like a haunted clarinet. Jesper, gently rubbing his back:
“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m literally bricked up right now.”
3. Jens tries to crawl to the sink. Misses. Jesper holds his head in place like a baby deer. Jesper, dead serious:
“I would kiss you with tongue right now. Try me.”
4. Jens lying face down on the kitchen floor, one sock on, jeans undone, faint smell of Jäger and betrayal. Jesper, lovingly:
“Even now… you’re the man I wanna grow old and gross with.”
5. Jens hiccups mid-vomit and hits his head on the toilet seat. Jesper gasps, not from concern, but awe.
“You’re so hot when you suffer. Like a Renaissance painting of a hot soldier dying.”
6. Jens mumbling in Danish mid-puke, probably cursing Milos’ name. Jesper hands him a wet cloth and stares at him dreamily:
“You look like you just lost a battle in a hot Viking war. I would still ride you.”
7. Jens burps so violently it echoes. Jesper flinches. Then nods approvingly:
“You’re literally disgusting. I’m in love with you. Do it again.”
8. Jens has thrown up three times. He’s on the floor. Jesper is straddling his thighs with a water bottle and a peppermint gum:
“You’re a rotting man with a \$3 haircut and I still think you’re my soulmate.”
9. Jens mutters “I’m dying” after projectile vomiting into a recycling bin. Jesper, wiping his mouth like a battlefield nurse:
“Don’t die. I’m not done being obsessed with you.”
10. Jens, semi-conscious, sweaty, shirt off, arm flung dramatically across his forehead. Jesper leans in close:
“You’re pale. You’re clammy. You’re probably contagious. I want you more than ever.”
Bonus from Milos:
“Bro I’m throwing up now and Jesper’s still looking at you like you’re Chris Hemsworth post-apocalypse.”
Would you like the Jens' Side of the Vows next? Because he has receipts for every time Jesper did this. JENS’ SIDE OF THE VOWS — “Through Sickness, Hangovers, and Jesper’s Eternal Grudge About My Exes” With commentary from the Alkmaar 22/23 Bubbly Boys because peace was never an option.
1. "I vow to love you even when you accuse me of hating you 5 times a day, and demand love confessions mid toothpaste spit."
Jesper: “So you do admit it. You hate me.” Tijjani: “5? Be real. 11.” Sam: “You said ‘do you love me?’ while Jens was literally peeing.” Yuki: “Love not wait. It happen. Even toilet.”
2. "I promise to stroke your hair lovingly, even when you're flu-sick, fevered, and bitey like a possessed hamster."
Jesper: “I’m soft and bite out of love.” Sven: “You did draw blood that one time.” Milos: “Bro he bit Jens’ titty like it was prosciutto.” Yuki: “Warmth of jaw. Passion.”
3. "I vow to Venmo you back your own money because you like pretending you’re a broke poet when you literally wear Comme des Garçons socks."
Jesper: “That’s called aesthetic poverty. Learn culture.” Sam: “He has a savings account named ‘Silly Little Fits.’” Yuki: “True artist. But debt.”
4. "I swear to keep you warm when you're cold, fed when you're hangry, and held when you're spiraling because I liked an old friend’s Instagram story."
Jesper: “She wore red lipstick. Explain.” Milos: “Not the lipstick!!!” Tijjani: “It’s always the lipstick.” Yuki: “Color of war. And desire.”
5. "I promise to never complain when you say I’m gross and then 5 seconds later say I’m the hottest man alive while I’m literally throwing up."
Jesper: “And I meant BOTH.” Sam: “No one unhinges like Jesper. No one.” Sven: “I brought ginger tea. I regret everything.” Yuki: “Love: big paradox. Much vomit. Still beauty.”
6. "I vow to let you dig up my ex-girlfriend history, call me a ‘reformed straight’ and still kiss me like you’re burning alive."
Jesper: “Because YOU WERE A FUCKBOY.” Milos: “We tracked down Line from Hillerød. She said Jens was MID.” Tijjani: “Not mid 💀💀” Yuki: “Past is like basement. Must clean to live well.”
7. "I promise to be your pillow when you collapse on me during team warmups, and your emotional trash can when Sam calls you ‘fragile prince of the Nordics.’"
Jesper: “He started the nickname.” Sam: “He earned it. Soft boy energy. Zero defense.” Yuki: “Prince need kingdom. Jens is throne.”
8. "I swear to always answer ‘Do you love me?’ with ‘Yes’ no matter if I’m tired, annoyed, drunk, or mid-concussion."
Jesper: “Okay but sometimes you pause.” Sven: “That’s just him buffering.” Yuki: “Love is loading screen. Patience.”
9. "I vow to hold you when you cry during animal TikToks and never tell the others that you cried over a pug in a sweater."
Jesper: “HE LOOKED SO SMALL.” Sam: “We ALL cried.” Milos: “Even the pug cried.” Yuki: “Emotion is not weakness. Sweater was strong symbol.”
10. "I promise that even if I’m half-dead from Milos’ WW2 cocktail mix, and covered in both our bodily fluids, if you call me hot—I will believe you. Every time."
Jesper: “Because I only speak the truth. And vomit doesn't scare me.” Milos: “Y’all are sick. But I support.” Tijjani: “No choice but to stan.” Yuki: “True love: find beauty in rot. Never flinch.”
End note from Jens, read aloud at the fake wedding Yuki officiated with a leaf crown on his head:
“Even when we’re disgusting, dramatic, and fully deranged, I’m yours. Through flu, jealousy, hangovers, long-haired phases, and war-themed sake parties. You’re my home. And my hot, chaotic gremlin forever.”
THE MYSTERY OF THE HOT GARBAGE: An Alkmaar 22/23 Inquiry
The bubbly boys have debated this at length. In the groupchat. In person. On FaceTime at 2am. Yuki made a PowerPoint. Sven made a meme. Sam printed shirts. But the question remains:
WHY IS JENJES HOTTER WHEN THEY LOOK TERRIBLE.
Exhibit A: Jens, the Cruel Summer Subtitle
- Black shirt. Beige denim. Old Skools. Expensive Danish cologne.
- Looked like a Pinterest dream and smelled like a Calvin Klein ad.
- Jesper: "You look nice."
- Sam: “10/10.”
- Milos: “Ok bro get married.”
- Jens: no effect.
Exhibit B: Jens, the Human Jägerbomb
- Threw up four times. Pale. Sweaty. Had raccoon eyeliner from tears.
- Jesper (trembling): “holy fuck you’re hot.”
- Sven: “He just puked in a plant.”
- Jesper: “and I’d let him do it again.”
Exhibit C: Jesper, the Expensive Stockholm Model
- Clean shirt. Baggy jeans. High-end sneakers. Looked rich.
- Jens: "You look ok."
- Everyone else: "What the fuck, Jens??"
- Jens: unfazed.
Exhibit D: Jesper, the Feral Creature
- Oversized tee. Criminal shorts. No socks. Smelled like Red Bull and drama.
- Jens: "Why are you so fucking hot are you trying to kill me."
- Sam, horrified: “HE’S NOT EVEN CLEAN??”
- Jens: “Exactly.”
THEORY 1: The Feral Effect
They don’t fall for the image. They fall for the chaos. Clean Jenjes = too polished = “you look nice.” Unhinged, blood-sticky, sleep-deprived, reeking of regret Jenjes = "I'd marry you right now in a ditch."
THEORY 2: The Raccoon Bond
They're raccoon-coded. They see each other in a disheveled, semi-feral state and go: "Yes. That is my soulmate. That is my trash prince. Let me lick the spilled Monster off your cheek."
THEORY 3: Biology Has Left the Chat
Sam: “It’s pheromones.” Yuki: “No. Curse.” Sven: “Maybe their cologne’s made of trauma.” Tijjani: “Jens once said 'he’s hottest when sad.' I never recovered.”
The Bubbly Boy Meeting Minutes (transcribed by Sven):
- Jesper hot when he looks like regret.
- Jens hot when he looks like he just got hit by a bicycle.
- Nice outfits confuse the raccoon brain.
- Vomit > Vogue.
- There is no cure.
Conclusion: They’re disgusting. And in love. No further questions. The case remains unsolved. Sven’s working on a docuseries.
OH YOU ASKED FOR IT. YOU ASKED FOR TRAGEDY IN SWEAT AND BLOOD. Here comes:
Top 10 Times Jens O. Was Gross, Smelly, or Dying and the Swedish Raccoon Still Asked “Can I Kiss U” (aka the most feral, inexplicable moments of love in Alkmaar 22/23)
#1. The Viking Mouth Bleed (March 2023) Jens gets kicked in the mouth. Opens up to show the medic and a gush of blood flushes out like he’s a fallen Nordic soldier. Beard stained. Viking mode: ON. Jesper panics, spirals, gasps—and still goes, “wow. sexy. can i kiss u?” They did. Jesper probably tasted iron. And stayed.
#2. The Jägerbomb Comeback (December 2022) Post-Alkmaar party. Jens is drunk, disheveled, smells like Jäger, body spray, and defeat. He sits on the curb outside Sam’s house with his eyes half-closed and slurred “Jes’... marry me…” Jesper, also tipsy: “you smell like death. can i kiss u anyway.” Sam: “NO. GO HOME.” They kissed.
#3. The Throw Up Tackle™ (February 2023) Contact to the head during a match. Jens falls like a sack of mythic potatoes, blacks out, throws up on the sideline, then insists he’s fine. Jesper sprints over, kneels in front of him, touches his forehead, says “you threw up?” Jens nods. Jesper whispers, “…can i still kiss u?”
#4. The Socks Situation (Any Day in March) Jens comes home post-practice, sweaty, socks crusty, ankle tape still on, smells like turf and testosterone. Jesper sniffles, gags, then immediately climbs into his lap and goes: “take a shower. after kiss.” They kissed. Jens didn’t shower yet. Bravery.
#5. The Flu Tragedy (January 2023) Jens has the flu. Sore throat. Fever. Coughing like a 19th century poet. Jesper is tucked next to him anyway, placing a cool cloth on his forehead, mumbling “you look like you’re dying. you look so hot. can i kiss u?” They kissed. Jesper caught the flu.
#6. The Shinpad Sweat Apocalypse (September 2022) Jens takes off his boots after a 90-minute match. The stench spreads like radiation. Everyone evacuates. Jesper stays. Stares at him. Wiggles eyebrows. Whispers, “stinky boy. can i kiss u?” Yuki leaves the room with “me go. u disgusting.”
#7. The Broken Toenail Disaster (October 2022) Jens shows Jesper his half-ripped toenail. It’s gross. It’s leaking. Jesper screams, then holds it like a prized pearl. “you poor thing. kiss for healing.” Jens says, “babe it’s my toe.” Jesper: “i kiss the mouth. let toe rot.”
#8. The Crying Viking in the Rain (April 2023) Jens spirals after a bad game, walks home in the rain, soaking wet, sits on their shared porch like a drenched sad viking. Jesper opens the door, gasps, “you smell like wet dog and sadness. can i kiss u?” “please.” They kiss. Rain steams.
#9. The Bleeding Knuckles of Rage (December 2022) Jens punches the locker after a fight. Hand bleeding. Jesper cradles it like it’s precious glass. “you’re so stupid. and hot. can i kiss u?” They make out by the ice machine. Sven refuses to comment.
#10. The Sleep Sweat Incident (May 2023) Jesper wakes up at 2am. Jens is in deep REM, drenched in sweaty sleep stink, hair a mess, drooling slightly. Jesper just lies there. Stares. Then whispers, “my beautiful viking… can i kiss u in your sleep.” He does. Jens wakes up. Says, “you’re gross. marry me.”
Bonus Quote from Jesper: "I don’t care if he’s bleeding or stinking or concussed. He’s mine. I kiss the Viking anyway.” Milos: “Bro go to therapy.”
..........
you have captured the exact energy of the entire “viking-down-raccoon-snooze” duality and the group chat lore with god-tier precision and i am HERE TO ELABORATE—
scene: hospital room, alkmaar general. late afternoon sun, golden rays bouncing off heartbreak and saline drips.
📸 yuki sends photo: “viking down. raccoon still simp.”
the image: jens o., 1.88m of pure norse brawn, flat on the bed in a hospital gown that barely fits his broad shoulders. snoring soft like a saint, one arm slung over his forehead in tragic medieval-poet fashion, the other dangling over the bed like a fallen hero in an epic war. veins. everywhere. a nurse, clearly overwhelmed, poked him four times trying to find the right vein. “so many highways. so confusing,” she whispered.
in the corner of the frame: jesper, in a hoodie 4x his size (jens’), looking like a freshly washed raccoon, hunched over in a plastic chair, face perilously close to jens’ shoulder, clearly whispering something like “babe… babe i’ll kiss your tummy better if you survive this.” he’s not blinking. he hasn’t blinked for 20 minutes.
groupchat explodes:
- sam: why am i struck when i see this photo
- sven: when he's sick he's still beautiful wtf
- tijjani: bro looks like a fallen king of rohan
- milos: he looks like he fainted after deadlifting a car
jesper: “my boyfriend is too tired to text but he said fuck you all.”
then reverse: scene 2 – raccoon down. pneumonia arc.
📸 yuki sends photo: “baby raccoon sleep. why cute. me question. also viking man cry.”
the image: jesper, 1.71m of feverish grumpy beauty, KO’d on the bed. his face flushed pink like he just finished a rage match on FIFA. arms arranged unintentionally like a cartoon toddler who fell asleep in the middle of a tantrum. hair messy. hoodie on backwards. mouth open. peacefully sinful.
jens, next to the bed, crying. silently. head buried in jesper’s hoodie sleeve. his hand gently resting on jesper’s stomach like he’s checking if the raccoon prince is still breathing.
groupchat chaos:
- tijjani: why is he sleeping like a baby when he insulted me 5 min ago during blackjack
- milos: bro has no business looking this cute when he just wiped me off the leaderboard in smash legends
- sven: he’s blushing. is that the fever or just vibes
- sam: jens is crying i’m crying yuki is crying the nurse is crying i bet even jesper would cry if he were awake
- yuki: me love them. me too much emotion.
and that, your honor, is why the bubbly boys always carried 2 sickbeds, 1 IV, and an extra hoodie at all times. because either the viking was down, or the raccoon was. and either way, love persisted.