alkmaarsurvivor22

jenjes versus the world

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EXACTLY. It was a ritual. A curse. A shared war flashback. Every single bubbly boy (except Sam, who had frequent flyer trauma miles at this point) had been the Sacrificial Plus One on a Jenjes Outing™ that turned into public affection performance art.

🎭 THE VICTIMS OF JENJES: A DOCUMENTARY

🧑🏻‍🦲 Sven:

Brought along because Jesper said “he needs sun”. Jens kissed Jesper every five steps. Jesper bit Jens’ arm like it was a snack. Sven tried to focus on the ducks in the park. Jesper: “Sven can you take a picture of us kissing from behind.” Sven: “Do you want me to walk into the lake instead.”

🍵 Yuki:

Agreed to a “peaceful afternoon tea.” Jesper sat in Jens’ lap for 2 hours. Jens fed him cake. Yuki stared at his tea and whispered, “me drink poison.” Jesper: “Yuki look! Jens say my cheeks are full now.” Yuki: “me leave this country.”

🎮 Milos (yes, again):

Voluntarily joined for boba. Regretted it the second Jens started nuzzling Jesper’s neck while ordering. Jesper: licks straw “Do you want a sip?” Milos: “From the cup or from Jens’ mouth???” Jesper: “What do you think 😇” Milos: goes home, wipes Valorant tears alone

🎲 Tijjani:

Dragged to a museum. Thought it would be chill. Nope. Jens and Jesper made out in front of a Greek statue. Jesper: “It’s our anniversary of the day we matched socks.” Tijjani: “I’ll burn this building down.” Jesper: does a tiny spin in Jens’ hoodie “Don’t I look cute?” Tijjani: “You look like a crime against friendship.”

📸 Sam:

Veteran. Desensitized. Has attended at least 18 Jenjes date sessions. Has taken at least 235 romantic pictures. Has watched far too many public kiss scenes. Sam, scrolling UberEats: “Y’all done? Can we go get pad thai now.” Jesper: bite on Jens’ shoulder, feral gremlin noise Sam: “Okay. I’ll wait in the car.”

🧠 The Result:

Every single boy had a core memory of Jesper casually sitting in Jens' lap in public like a baby koala. Every single boy had witnessed a kiss that was not meant to be seen. Every single boy had heard Jesper call Jens “my sunshine bear viking baby lover” without flinching.

And still—still—they didn’t stop going. Because the bubbly boys? Curious. Loyal. Stupid.

Alkmaar 22/23. A football club. A friend group. A romcom turned horror. Never for the weak. And always for the traumatized.

BROOO 💀💀💀 THIS IS THE MOST JESPER AND JENS THING EVER.

Like… you just described their whole domestic setup to perfection:

They were the most generous hosts in Alkmaar 22/23… but also the most chaotically feral after 9PM.

🌿 THE JENSPER COZY-NSFW ROTATION SYSTEM™

✅ Mondays: Jens’ place, fully occupied by Jens. ✅ Tuesdays: Jens at Jesper’s, so Jens’ apartment is empty and available to borrow. ✅ Wednesdays: Jens’ place, occupied. ✅ Thursdays: Jens at Jesper’s, empty again. ✅ Fridays: Jens’ place, occupied. ✅ Saturdays: Jens at Jesper’s. ✅ Sundays: Coin toss. Both together… somewhere. Usually not safe.

💀 Milos (every week): “Bro can I crash at yours Tuesday?” Jens: “I’ll be at Jesper’s. You can stay at my place if you want. Fridge is stocked. Bring your own towel.” Milos: “Bet.”

Or—

Milos: “Bro can I crash at Jesper’s Saturday?” Jesper: “Sure, Jens will be here too. Just don’t open the bedroom door.” Milos: “…Okay but can I have kebab delivered?” Jesper: “Obviously.”

They were literally the dream hosts:

🥇 Amenities INCLUDED, no questions asked:

  • Unlimited takeout (Jens insisted on paying).
  • Netflix account logged in.
  • Fast WiFi.
  • PC setup ready to game.
  • Air diffuser and fancy candles Jesper bought “for ambiance.”
  • Clean towels, spare toothbrushes.
  • AC set to “perfectly cozy.”
  • A vibe so domestic you’d forget you were a guest.

They were so chill about everything… except:

🚫 The One Universal Rule: After dinner, whatever happens… is none of your business. 😭

  • You want to hang out in the living room? Sure, but mind your own damn business if they start whispering and disappear.
  • You want to reheat leftovers at midnight? Just don’t look toward the couch area if the lights are off.
  • Doors were never locked.

  • If you did accidentally witness something, you had two options:

  • 1️⃣ Close the door and pretend you saw nothing.

  • 2️⃣ Make eye contact, die inside, and never speak of it again.

🥲 Sam’s official review of crashing with them: “5-star hospitality, zero-star trauma recovery.”

😭 Yuki’s review: “Nice house. Me no stay past 9.”

🧃 Milos, unbothered king, would still rate them 10/10: “Bro, free food, perfect WiFi, and I only have to emotionally dissociate for 2 hours a night. Worth it.”

Honestly: You couldn’t ask for better friends. They’d feed you, house you, let you stay for weeks—just be prepared to witness the occasional Scandinavian lovefest. 💀💀

BROOO 😭😭😭 THIS IS SO ACCURATE IT HURTS.

You’re so right—the point of couch crashing was always the company, and only Milos had the audacity to be like “idc bro i just need the WiFi.”

✨ THE UNHOLY JENJES AIRBNB EXPERIENCE™

💀 The Setup:

  • A massive, plush sectional couch that felt like sinking into a cloud.
  • Fresh blankets, color-coded pillows.
  • Fridge fully stocked.
  • PS5, Netflix, diffuser.
  • Candle-lit domestic heaven.

  • But also:

  • Doors never locked.

  • Shameless background soundtrack after dinner.
  • The constant vibe of “romantic horror film meets Scandinavian IKEA catalog.”

Here’s how each bubbly boy experienced this cursed 5-star stay:

🥲 Sam (the Barefoot Tycoon): Experience:

  • Showed up because his house was getting fumigated.
  • Was welcomed in with a warm dinner and endless matcha lattes.
  • Tried to pretend he was chill about it.
  • Laid on the couch reading a Vogue magazine while stuff happened behind the unlocked bedroom door.

  • Texted Tijjani nonstop:

  • “Bro they are at it again I want to die.”

  • Left at 6AM the next morning looking emotionally shattered.

Review: “5 stars. Never again.”

🥺 Tijjani (the Main Villain): Experience:

  • Only agreed to crash because his apartment had a power outage.

  • Spent the evening rolling his eyes and muttering:

  • “They’re literally disgusting.”

  • Low-key appreciated how clean everything was.
  • Accidentally made eye contact with Jens walking out of the shower naked.
  • Didn’t speak for 20 minutes after.

Review: “4 stars. They need a lock.”

🧘‍♂️ Yuki (Hokage of the Leaf Village): Experience:

  • Literally sat on the couch in lotus position, headphones on, meditating.
  • Pretended he could not hear anything.
  • Ate quietly, thanked Jesper for the curry.
  • Went to sleep at 9PM like a zen monk.

  • In the morning, simply said:

  • “Me no judge. Thank you.”

Review: “5 stars. But maybe me bring earplugs next time.”

🫡 Sven (Dutch National Husband): Experience:

  • Stayed over because his pipes burst.
  • Tried to act like a mature adult.
  • Cooked dinner for everyone as thanks.
  • Spent the evening politely reading on the couch while romantic moaning commenced.

  • Later told Yuki:

  • “It’s important to be supportive… but I need therapy.”

Review: “5 stars. 0 stars for my mental health.”

🎮 Milos (furnitureless menace): Experience:

  • He didn’t care about anything except the WiFi and snacks.
  • Showed up with a backpack and energy drinks.
  • Plugged in his headset and gamed until 3AM.

  • Even when things got… audible, he’d just mutter:

  • “Bro… respect, but keep it down.”

  • Fully slept through the chaos on the couch.
  • Kept coming back once a week because he was addicted to Jesper’s stocked fridge.

Review: “10/10. No notes.”

🫠 Collective Summary:

  • Most of them only crashed if it was truly unavoidable (plague, fire, or landlord crisis).
  • Milos was the only one who treated it like a hostel.
  • They all respected Jens and Jesper’s hospitality but needed spiritual cleansing afterward.

😭😭😭 It was literally a luxury AirBnB that cost your soul.

BRO YESSS 💀💀💀

Presenting…

🏡✨ Jens & Jesper’s Official House Rules ✨🏡

(Updated 2023 Edition because Milos keeps ignoring them)

👋 WELCOME. Thank you for staying at our home. We are delighted to offer you: ✅ A clean, comfortable space ✅ Fresh bedding and towels ✅ Unlimited food, beverages, and WiFi ✅ A safe haven… with certain caveats

📋 HOUSE RULES

1️⃣ Rotational Schedule:

  • Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays: Jens’ apartment occupied by Jens. Jesper’s house unoccupied.
  • Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays: Jens’ apartment unoccupied. Jesper’s house occupied by both.
  • Sundays: We will not clarify. Proceed at your own risk.

2️⃣ Door Policy:

  • We do not lock interior doors.
  • You will not knock. We will not explain.

3️⃣ Noise Policy:

  • After dinner, volume levels may rise.
  • We recommend headphones and inner peace.
  • If you hear anything, pretend you didn’t.

4️⃣ Privacy & Discretion:

  • What you see here, you did not see.
  • What you hear here, you did not hear.
  • What you think you witnessed, no you didn’t.

5️⃣ Food & Amenities:

  • Takeout is on us.
  • Fridge fully stocked.
  • Please eat whatever you like.
  • Refill the Brita if you empty it.

6️⃣ Length of Stay:

  • You may remain here indefinitely if needed.
  • We will never kick you out.
  • But we will also never stop being ourselves.

7️⃣ Emotional Aftercare:

  • We will not offer apologies for your trauma.
  • You accepted this risk by entering.

8️⃣ Milos-Specific Addendum:

  • You are not allowed to “test the PS5 graphics” past 3AM.
  • You must stop calling our fridge a “public utility.”
  • You may not livestream from the living room.

9️⃣ Household Philosophy:

  • Love is love.
  • Vibes are vibes.
  • If you can’t handle it, Sven’s house is across town.

10️⃣ Check-Out Policy:

  • Please strip the couch blankets and leave them in the laundry basket.
  • Please leave your dignity by the door on the way out.

✨ THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING. We appreciate your friendship. We do not appreciate your judgment.

With love (and no shame), Jens & Jesper 🫶✨

BRO YOU JUST UNLOCKED THE WHOLE DOMESTIC UNIVERSE I—😭😭😭

Let’s break this down in forensic detail, because Jens and Jesper’s cohabitation energy was literally feral domestic bliss.

🏡✨ THE JENJES HOMES ✨🏡

(aka the dual bases of Scandinavian menace)

🟦 Jens’ Apartment

Vibe:

  • Modern, minimalist, neutral colors, suspiciously clean for a 1.88m Viking with IBS.
  • Big open kitchen with perfect appliances because he liked to cook for Jesper.
  • Hardwood floors with plush rugs Jesper picked out.
  • Soft lighting.
  • Smells like laundry detergent, vanilla candles, and a faint whiff of protein powder.

Decor:

  • White walls with a few framed photos:

  • One of him and Jesper on the Alkmaar pitch.

  • One of him hugging his little sister.
  • One that Jesper snuck in: a tiny, cursed Polaroid of Jesper sticking his tongue out.
  • Neat couch with folded blankets.
  • TV mounted perfectly center—with a spare PlayStation controller that wasn’t Jens’, because Jesper insisted on gaming together.

Guest Amenities: ✅ Massive sectional couch (everyone fought over it). ✅ Fresh folded blankets and pillows. ✅ Huge TV with Netflix logged in. ✅ Scented candles Jesper bought “to make it cozy.” ✅ A little note on the fridge in Jesper’s handwriting:

  • “Take anything you want—love u <3”

Extra Domestic Chaos:

  • The kitchen cabinets had protein bars right next to Jesper’s absurd amount of matcha sachets.
  • Jens’ Amazon billing address: Jesper’s house.
  • Mail addressed to “Mr. J. Olesen & Mr. J. Kristensen,” because yes, they had a joint utility bill.

🟨 Jesper’s House

Vibe:

  • Older house, warm and a bit chaotic, very “raccoon den but with taste.”
  • Lived-in, comfortable, mismatched throw blankets everywhere.
  • Big windows.
  • Smells like coffee, sandalwood, and fresh laundry.

Decor:

  • Shelves cluttered with random souvenirs Jesper picked up.
  • Plants he forgot to water (Jens secretly maintained them).

  • A tiny shrine to their relationship:

  • Matching cleats in a glass box.

  • Photos of them hugging after games.
  • A ticket stub from their first match together.
  • A framed note Jens wrote him during a bad injury spell.

Guest Amenities: ✅ Same enormous couch, softer and more broken in than Jens’. ✅ Always spare blankets that smelled like Jesper’s cologne. ✅ Free reign of the kitchen—like, absolutely everything was for everyone. ✅ TV with gaming consoles—his, but always logged in under Jens’ profile. ✅ A basket by the door labeled “Guest Stuff” with:

  • Slippers, a phone charger, mini toiletries, and spare headphones.

Extra Domestic Chaos:

  • Jesper’s place was the default “communal HQ” for the bubbly boys.
  • Takeout receipts piled up, all billed to Jens’ card automatically.
  • Jens’ official mailing address still listed here because “bro, I practically live here.”
  • Everyone knew if you crashed here, you were basically living in their joint apartment.

🪴 Shared Features & Rules

If you were a guest— They never made you feel like an intruder. They just expected you to: ✅ Bring your own clothes & toothbrush. ✅ Respect their insane schedule. ✅ Pretend you didn’t hear any suspicious noises after dinner.

“Host Hospitality” Highlights:

  • They paid for all takeout—no exceptions.

  • If you dared to offer cash, Jens got personally offended.

  • If you asked for anything, they’d get it:

  • “Bro, you want ice cream? I’ll go get it.”

  • “You need extra blankets? We have five.”
  • “Want the PS5? Use it.”
  • The WiFi password was saved on a laminated card by the door.
  • Jesper kept a spare hoodie on the coat rack labeled “Milos.”

💌 The Billing Address & Domestic Paper Trail

You know it was scandalously couple-coded:

  • Jens’ gym membership: Billed to Jesper’s address.
  • Jesper’s Amazon Prime: Billed to Jens.
  • They had a joint grocery delivery account.

  • Once Milos opened a package that said “To my favorite little man—love you.”

  • It was matching loungewear sets.

  • He never recovered.

💀 The One Universal Price

✅ Perfect amenities. ✅ The comfiest couch in Alkmaar. ✅ Unlimited free food. ✅ Top-tier WiFi and Netflix. 🚫 Post-9PM Feral Hours™.

If you stayed when both were home, you never left normal.

  • Sven: “I respect love, but I will never emotionally recover.”
  • Yuki: “Me no judge, but me no return.”
  • Sam: “I need therapy.”
  • Tijjani: “Absolutely vile.”
  • Milos: “Worth it.”

😭😭😭 Bro. They were so disgustingly domestic it was like living in a Scandinavian romance novel, but with extra trauma.

BROOOOO 💀💀💀 YESSS you just summoned the holy grail:

THE BUBBLY BOYS’ OFFICIAL REVIEWS OF THE JENJES AIRBNB (where you gained the world and sacrificed your soul)

🟢 1️⃣ Sam B. (Barefoot Tycoon) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5

Pros: ✅ Immaculate decor—like a cozy IKEA showroom. ✅ Jens made me protein pancakes at midnight. ✅ Jesper let me borrow his sweatpants. ✅ Free iced matcha and croissants in the morning.

Cons: ❌ Witnessed them snuggling shirtless on the couch, making soft noises. ❌ Once heard the words “Viking mode” from the bedroom and blacked out.

Final Comment: “Fantastic amenities. Horrific memories. I will never emotionally recover, but the hospitality was unparalleled.”

🟣 2️⃣ Tijjani R. (The Main Villain) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4/5

Pros: ✅ Clean, warm, fully stocked. ✅ Jesper ordered me pizza without asking. ✅ Jens let me wear his hoodie when I was cold.

Cons: ❌ Door was open. ❌ THE DOOR WAS OPEN. ❌ They waved at me mid-activity.

Final Comment: “Comfortable. Generous. Unsanitary. Never again unless my flat burns down.”

🔵 3️⃣ Sven M. (Dutch National Husband) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5

Pros: ✅ Beautiful, relaxing space. ✅ They are wonderful hosts. ✅ I slept like a baby. ✅ They offered me tea and asked if I was okay.

Cons: ❌ I am not okay.

Final Comment: “True love is beautiful, but maybe lock the door next time. I respect you both deeply. I just need therapy.”

🟡 4️⃣ Yuki S. (Hokage of the Leaf Village) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5

Pros: ✅ Very peaceful if you wear noise-canceling headphones. ✅ Jesper made me miso soup. ✅ Jens offered to drive me home in the morning.

Cons: ❌ Heard noises. ❌ Saw shadows. ❌ Pretended me no see.

Final Comment: “Me no judge. Me no return. Thank you.”

🟥 5️⃣ Milos K. (The Cryptid Youngest) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 7/5

Pros: ✅ Best couch in the Netherlands. ✅ Fast WiFi, unlimited snacks, no questions asked. ✅ They let me crash anytime, any day. ✅ Once ordered me kebab and left it on the table while they… did stuff.

Cons: ❌ Had to mute my headset when the vibes escalated. ❌ Accidentally made eye contact through the crack in the door.

Final Comment: “10/10, would stay again. Trauma is temporary. Free food is forever.”

💀 SUMMARY OF SACRIFICES AND GAINS:

Gains: ✅ Top-tier hospitality. ✅ Unlimited food. ✅ Clean, comfortable, luxurious couch. ✅ Genuine warmth and acceptance.

Sacrifices: ❌ Your innocence. ❌ Your peace of mind. ❌ Any illusions that Jens and Jesper were chill behind closed doors.

Bro… they were truly the best hostel in Alkmaar 22/23. Five-star amenities, zero-star mental recovery.

EXACTLYYYY BROOOOO 💀😭😭

YOU GET IT.

This is why the JenJes AirBnB was an unholy paradox:

✨ ON ONE HAND: The Most Generous Hosts Ever ✅ You didn’t have to bring anything but your clothes and your will to live. ✅ Any meal you wanted? Ordered and paid for. ✅ Any snack? Already stocked. ✅ Staying a night? They’d say, “Stay as long as you need.” ✅ Lost your charger? Jesper would hand you a spare one. ✅ Want the PS5? Jens would hand you the controller. ✅ Extra blanket? Fresh out of the dryer, folded for you. ✅ Even if you were there for a week, they never once acted like you were a burden.

✨ ON THE OTHER HAND: The Price That unsettling soundtrack.

  • You were chilling on the couch with your kebab and Red Bull, and…

  • Thump… thump…

  • Soft giggling…
  • Scandinavian endearments…
  • “Viking mode” (whatever that meant, god help you).

The OPEN DOOR POLICY.

  • There was no attempt to hide the fact that they were… thriving.

  • Even if you texted “can you lock the door?”, you’d get:

  • “Bro, just don’t look.”

The Emotional Damage.

  • Everyone left a little more haunted than they arrived.

😭 But at the same time… They were so absurdly loving and normal in every other respect, it was impossible to be mad.

Like:

  • Jens made sure you had enough blankets.
  • Jesper asked if you’d eaten.
  • They ordered takeout without you even requesting.
  • They always said “thank you for staying” as if you were doing them a favor.

It was literally the best hospitality in Alkmaar—the only catch being you had to pretend you were deaf after 9PM.

TL;DR:

🌟 JenJes AirBnB: The Ultimate Balance 🌟 Gain: ✅ Free food ✅ Clean, safe place to stay ✅ Unlimited time as their guest ✅ Feeling cared for

Sacrifice: ❌ Your innocence ❌ The ability to ever un-hear “Viking mode”

It’s a win-win, as long as you can cope.

💀 Milos said it best: “Trauma is temporary. Free food is forever.”

BROOOOO YOU JUST OPENED THE WORST-KEPT SECRET OF ALKMAAR 22/23 💀😭

Let’s set the scene because you KNOW this was a canonical event:

✨ SUNDAYS AT JENJES’ ✨ aka The Day Nobody Should Ever Crash

🔥 First of all: What was so DIFFERENT about Sundays?

Yeah, sure—Jens and Jesper were unholy every day. But Sundays were…a higher evolutionary stage of feral.

🚩 THE SUNDAY DOCTRINE:

  • 1️⃣ No Training. No Obligations.

  • Both off-duty.

  • No scheduled practices, no gym.

  • Fully rested, caffeinated, unrestrained.

  • 2️⃣ Domestic Nesting Mode.

  • They’d spend the whole day together:

    • Cooking.
    • Watching movies.
    • Gaming.
    • Cuddling.
    • Being absolutely glued to each other like barnacles.

  • 3️⃣ No Social Filters.

  • They knew no one should be over.

  • So they would:

    • Leave doors open.
    • Walk around in minimal clothing (or none).
    • Talk in scandalous pet names.
    • Get handsy literally everywhere.
    • Occasionally… explore “activities” that can only be described as advanced.

  • 4️⃣ The No Guilt, No Shame Energy.

  • Unlike weekdays, they wouldn’t even try to pretend to be discreet.

  • If you walked in, they’d just:

    • Wave.
    • Laugh.
    • Say “Bro, you good?”

This is why the Bubbly Boys’ universal warning was: “You can stay any night. But if you stay on Sunday… that’s on you.”

💀 AND THEN CAME MILOS.

Picture it:

⏰ Sunday, 4PM. Milos, oblivious, texting Jesper:

“yo can i stay over tonight”

Jesper, happily nested on Jens’ chest, replies:

“sure today we’re at my house”

⏰ Sunday, 9PM. Milos shows up with his battered duffel bag and Red Bull. He opens the door without knocking because it’s always unlocked. He’s expecting:

  • Takeout containers.
  • Maybe mild PG-13 affection.
  • The usual domestic vibe.

Instead he is greeted by:

✅ Jens shirtless, with a blanket slung over his hips. ✅ Jesper in just shorts, perched on the counter, legs around Jens’ waist. ✅ Scented candles and the softest Scandinavian playlist. ✅ A vibe so intimate it felt ILLEGAL.

Milos just stands there frozen, clutching his Red Bull like a crucifix.

Jesper (smiling like this is normal): “Hey bro, fridge is full, you can sleep on the couch.”

Jens (nodding, as though pants were optional): “Let us know if you need anything.”

Milos: “…anything. right.”

And he stays. Because he’s Milos.

From 9PM–2AM he’s gaming on their couch, headphones on, trying to tune out the unholy background noises and occasional glimpse of limbs.

The rest was history. He survived—but he was never the same.

✨ WHAT WENT WRONG ON SUNDAY? Literally everything. Sundays were:

  • Zero shame.
  • Full throttle intimacy.
  • The day they forgot they had friends.

💀 AFTERMATH:

The next morning, Milos just shuffled into the training hub looking like he’d survived a war.

Sam: “You stayed on a Sunday, didn’t you?”

Milos (staring into the abyss): “…I saw things.”

Tijjani: “I told you.”

Sven: “Trauma is temporary, Milos.”

Yuki: “Me no judge. Me no return.”

Bro…Sundays were never for the weak. Anyone who stayed was signing a spiritual NDA.

BROOOOOOO this is PEAK domestic unhinged couple routine 😭😭😭

Like, literally—the duality of “we are two feral love demons but also frighteningly organized.”

Let’s put it all together because this is SO them:

🌙 THE UNHOLY JENJES SCHEDULE 🌙 (Milos memorized this better than his playbook)

✅ MONDAY NIGHT (Jens’ Place):

  • Vibe: Calm post-weekend decompression.

  • Activities:

  • Cooking simple dinners.

  • Video games on the couch.
  • Less feral, more sleepy cuddles.

  • Next Morning:

  • Jens up first to make coffee.

  • Jesper zombie-walking around in Jens’ hoodie.
  • Leave for training 7AM sharp in Jens’ Volvo.

✅ TUESDAY NIGHT (Jesper’s Place):

  • Vibe: Cuter, smaller space, maximum clinginess.

  • Activities:

  • Netflix in bed.

  • Jesper making weird snacks (like toast with 3 toppings).
  • Jens complaining and then eating it anyway.

  • Next Morning:

  • Depart 6:40 sharp because Jesper insisted on being early.

  • Jens sleepy but driving because Jesper didn’t want to.

✅ WEDNESDAY–FRIDAY:

  • Flexible rotation.
  • Always coordinated so nobody ever had to ask “where are we staying tonight?”
  • Milos knew exactly where to text if he needed to bum a ride or crash.

✅ SATURDAY GAMES:

  • Matchday, so all bets were off.

  • If they won:

  • They’d get smugly affectionate all night.

  • Decide where to sleep by a suspiciously intense game of FIFA or arm-wrestling that ended in kisses.

  • If they lost:

  • Still affectionate, but slightly more “comfort me” energy.

  • Either way, ended up tangled up in bed somewhere.

✅ SUNDAY:

  • Either:

  • The unholy sacred day (if no Sunday match).

  • Or, if they played Sunday:

    • They’d postpone the ritual to Monday night without hesitation.
    • Because their “quality time” was non-negotiable.

✅ MONDAY MORNINGS:

  • Show up to practice:

  • Glowing.

  • Beaming.
  • Suspiciously energized.
  • Everyone else looking hungover on life.
  • Jens and Jesper looking like they just returned from a wellness retreat (spoiler: they did not).

😭 For Milos, this was basically:

  • Perks:

  • Free food (Jesper wouldn’t let you go hungry).

  • Free WiFi (Jens’ router was god-tier).
  • Free rides to training.
  • A couch better than most beds.

  • Cons:

  • Mild psychological trauma from the occasional open-door episode.

  • A front-row seat to the most disgustingly cute couple in Alkmaar.

But Milos? He did not care. He would literally be texting the group chat:

“bro i’m at jesper’s tonight. free dinner secured.”

And when Sam would go “aren’t you tired of their shit?” Milos would reply:

“bro free is free.”

Also imagine:

When Jens and Jesper were deciding where to stay after an away match, Milos would be standing there in the locker room like:

“so are we going to jens’ or jesper’s tonight? i need to know where to get dropped off.”

And they’d just be like:

“We’ll text you when we finish… deciding.”

Everyone else: “Deciding = makeout wrestling for 45 minutes.”

😭😭😭 Bro, the duality:

  • Obsessively scheduled, organized to the minute.
  • But also had no respect for anyone’s peace of mind after dark.

Milos was the only one brave enough to see it all—and still come back for more.

BROOOOOO YESSSSSS 💀💀💀

THIS. IS. CANON.

I am actually SOBBING imagining this because Milos was truly the stray cat of the Bubbly Boys—just showing up and never leaving.

🌙 THE WEEK MILOS BECAME THEIR ADOPTED GREMLIN CHILD 🌙

THE REASON? Nobody really knows:

  • Maybe his building had an “unidentified gas leak.”
  • Maybe the landlord wanted to fumigate.
  • Maybe Milos just woke up and thought: “why go home when I could live rent-free with free food.”

Jens and Jesper’s reaction? “Sure, bro. Stay as long as you want.” Like he was a houseplant they forgot to water.

⏰ MONDAY NIGHT: JESPER’S PLACE Milos shows up with:

  • A duffel bag.
  • A PC tower (??).
  • A pack of Red Bull.

Jesper: “Bro, you moving in?”

Milos: “Just staying the week.”

Jens: “Ok cool. We’ll be at Jens’ tomorrow night.”

Milos: “…noted.”

⏰ TUESDAY MORNING:

  • Milos rides shotgun with Jens, Jesper squished in the back.
  • Jens blasting whatever suspicious Danish indie playlist.
  • Milos sipping Red Bull at 6:45 AM like a war veteran.

⏰ TUESDAY NIGHT: JENS’ PLACE They arrive home. Milos unpacks:

  • His PC, already set up in Jens’ guest room.
  • A spare headset.
  • His air mattress (???).

Jesper: “Bro you know we have a real couch.”

Milos: “No worries, I like the floor.”

⏰ WEDNESDAY:

  • Rides to training in reverse: Jesper driving, Jens in passenger.
  • Milos in the back seat blasting EDM in his headphones.
  • They get takeaway on the way home—Milos orders like he’s part of the couple: “Yeah, we’ll have two kebabs, one salad, and a falafel wrap.”

⏰ THURSDAY NIGHT: At this point, Milos knew the drill:

  • “We’re at Jesper’s tomorrow, right?”
  • “Yeah, bro.”
  • “Cool, I’ll pack.”

He packs like he’s part of a three-person marriage:

  • Toothbrush.
  • Socks.
  • An extra Red Bull stash.

⏰ FRIDAY NIGHT: Milos casually gaming in Jesper’s living room. Jens and Jesper start their suspiciously affectionate movie cuddling. Milos doesn’t flinch. Milos doesn’t care. Milos simply exists.

Jesper: “You good, bro?”

Milos: “Yeah, do you guys want dessert?”

Jens: “Sure.”

Milos: Orders ice cream for all three.

⏰ SATURDAY (GAMEDAY):

  • They win the match.
  • Back home, celebratory mood.
  • Milos is just there, trailing behind them like an honorary pet.
  • They don’t question it.

⏰ SUNDAY NIGHT: The Sacred Ritual. They actually warn Milos:

  • “Bro, you sure you wanna stay tonight? You know it’s Sunday.”
  • “Yeah, I’ll just put on my headset.”

And he does.

  • Candles lit.
  • Viking music on.
  • Milos gaming peacefully while they enact their Scandinavian telenovela in the background.

⏰ MONDAY MORNING: They roll into training:

  • Jens: fresh and glowing.
  • Jesper: smug as hell.
  • Milos: hoodie up, eye twitching, but also holding coffee like he belongs.

THE BEST PART? They never even discussed it. They never said: “Hey, when are you leaving?” They just accepted Milos as: ✅ A permanent fixture. ✅ Their third roommate. ✅ Possibly part of the relationship.

😭 THE VIBE: Milos was so domesticated, he:

  • Knew when to pack.
  • Knew where they’d be sleeping next.
  • Ordered takeout without asking.
  • Moved between their homes like a child of divorce.

And Jens and Jesper didn’t even blink. It was simply: “He’s here. It’s fine.”

Milos’ official quote: “Bro, it was kinda chill. 9/10 experience, minus the Sunday trauma.”

😭😭😭 Never has an unofficial third wheel been so effortlessly integrated into a love story.