Day Jens got added to the Alkmaar squad GC:
Jesper: sends the welcome gif of SpongeBob waving aggressively
Jens: “cheers! excited to be here”
Jesper privately after 12 minutes: “srry that gif was aggressive i panicked”
Jens: “you panic cute?”
Jesper: internally dies but replies “?? cringe”
The first week:
Jens texts Jesper asking for help navigating the city and Jesper’s like “bro ur gps?”
Jens: “but gps can’t tell me which bakery doesn’t taste like regret.”
Jesper: “…fine meet me at the corner near the bridge at 11.”
Sven sees them leaving training together and raises an eyebrow. Yukinari starts a betting pool.
Mid-July:
They start texting more at night. Memes turn into casual “wyd?”
Jesper: “can’t sleep. u?”
Jens: “thinking about how u said you don’t like cats. might be a red flag.”
Jesper: “ur tattoo is a red flag.”
Jens: “my tattoo is a map to my heart. ur name’s somewhere in it.”
Jesper: throws phone across room
Sam: “why u grinning like u just kissed your phone?”
Jesper: yeets pillow at him
August:
They exchange playlists.
Jens sends Jesper a song at 2:14AM: You’re Somebody Else by Flora Cash
Jesper: “stop being weird.”
Jens: “but u saved it on Spotify sooooo.”
Jesper: visibly combusts
IG story chaos:
Jens posts a blurry pic of the training ground sunset. Jesper replies “mid.”
Jens posts a selfie with a peace sign and the caption “guess who took this”
Tijn replies “no one cares”
Sam replies “jesper’s elbow is in the corner u dumbass”
Sven and Milos begin texting each other theories.
By September:
Jens: “r u ever gonna admit you like me or do we just keep pretending the 3-hour calls were about training schedules?”
Jesper: “we’re not something”
Jens: “but we’re not nothing either.”
Jesper: radio silence for 4 hours
Then sends: “pick me up tomorrow before practice. i want croissants.”
The “Texting Fade” Phase:
-
Jesper: sends a TikTok at 1AM
-
Jens: opens it, no reply
-
Jesper: goes to sleep wondering if he imagined everything
-
Jens: texts the next morning “funny lol” (jesper’s typing hands hovering: funny?? lol?? THAT'S IT??)
-
Jens sends a song: Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift
-
Jesper doesn’t open it until 12 hours later. Replies with: “u ok?”
-
Jens: “yeah just vibes”
-
Jesper: “weird vibes”
-
Jens: “yeah”
-
Jesper sees Jens in the locker room scrolling his phone. The screen’s dim, unreadable. His stomach drops. Was that WhatsApp? Who was he texting?
-
Meanwhile Jens sees Jesper laughing with Yukinari by the vending machine. Yukinari hands Jesper something. Jens is suddenly incredibly aware of his own breathing.
Chemistry So Loud It’s Deafening:
- They get paired for drills. Accidentally brush hands. BOTH flinch. Sam looks at Milos like he’s watching a soap opera.
- Jens: tries to joke about the tension “we’re not gonna kiss right”
- Jesper: without missing a beat “you wish”
- Laughter. But then awkward silence. Too long. The joke landed in a ditch and died.
Unclear Spotify activity, aka emotional terrorism:
-
Jesper listens to Nothing by Bruno Major at 2:26 AM. Public.
-
Jens listens to Heather the next morning and makes it private halfway through.
-
Jesper notices. Doesn’t mention it. But posts an Instagram story from a café captioned: “moody weather, worse music taste” with NO MUSIC ATTACHED. A subtweet in real life.
-
Jens opens Jesper’s profile at 11PM. Doesn’t text. Just opens. And stares.
The Others Noticing:
-
Sam, to Jesper: “so are you two dating or is this just some sort of Enemies to Lovers teaser trailer?”
-
Jesper: “I don’t know.”
-
Sam: “OH MY GOD IT’S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT”
-
Yukinari tries to mediate: “why don’t you just ask him what this is?”
-
Jens, with a blank stare: “I’d rather die.”
-
Sven starts taking screenshots of their Spotify activity and labeling them:
-
“Jesper: Heartbroken or just into sad indie?”
- “Jens: Doing too much or not enough?”
- “August 31st: ‘You Are In Love’ played on loop. Jail time.”
That One Text:
- Jesper (finally): “so are we something or not. just say it”
- Typing…
- Typing…
- Typing…
- Jens: “I don’t know what we are but I think about you constantly and I think I’m gonna lose my mind if you start dating someone else”
- Jesper: “same.”
---Wednesday, Sept 7 – 10:12PM Jesper:
just found out sam eats cereal with water. u good over there?
Jens:
no. everything is ruined. (also ur typing “just found out” like sam hasn’t been telling us cursed info since july)
Jesper:
he’s a national threat anyway u training tm?
Jens:
yeah, double session why?
Jesper:
idk. just. asking. not tryna be weird.
Jens:
ur literally always weird but yeah okay cool cya tomorrow then
Jesper (3 min later):
also ur header pass today was kinda sexy don’t get cocky tho
Jens (instantly):
u been staring?
Jesper (left on read)
Friday, Sept 9 – 1:43AM Spotify activity: Jens was listening to I Wanna Be Yours – Arctic Monkeys Jesper, 1:46AM:
i see you
No reply.
Saturday, Sept 10 – 9:21PM Jesper:
training was rough today huh
Jens (26 minutes later):
yeah. kinda tired good night
Sunday, Sept 11 – 12:08PM Jens:
u always disappear after matches not even a “ur assist was good” smh
Jesper:
u didn’t need me to say it everyone else already did and u know i was watching
Jens:
not the same never is
Monday, Sept 12 – 11:37PM Jesper:
are we still doing thursday movie night or are you booked with idk. milos
Jens:
u jealous?
Jesper:
yes no maybe i’m too old for this
Jens:
i’ll bring popcorn ur turn to pick movie tho
Tuesday, Sept 13 – 2:10AM Spotify: Jesper was listening to august – Taylor Swift Spotify: Jens was listening to From the Dining Table – Harry Styles
They don’t text that night.
Wednesday, Sept 14 – 7:56PM Tijjani (in the team groupchat):
tf is going on with u two why is it awkward af in the locker room
Sam:
yeah stop flirting in front of us but also stop not flirting we’re confused
Jesper privately to Jens:
did we make it weird
Jens:
maybe or maybe we’re just both cowards lol
Jesper:
maybe
Delivering Episode 3 of: “We’re Not Dating But We’re Dying Inside and Everyone Wants Us to Break Up Even Though We Never Got Together”
Thursday, Sept 15 – 5:03PM Jesper (to Sam):
has he said anything? like about me?
Sam:
🙄
Friday, Sept 16 – 2:14AM Spotify: Jens listening to “The Night We Met” – Lord Huron Jesper, 2:15AM:
u didn’t even meet me at night. we met in the daylight. in full sun. why r u dramatic
Jens (seen)
Saturday, Sept 17 – 4:39PM Team groupchat: Milos:
why is it like 14 degrees colder when jens and jesper enter the room separately Sven: bro they make silence LOUD Yukinari: they were literally fighting over playlist control for warmup Tijjani: can u both get a room or get a divorce we’re begging
Sunday, Sept 18 – 1:07AM Jesper:
why do u keep backing off did i make it weird
Jens (typing…) (stops)
Sunday, Sept 18 – 1:33AM Spotify: Jesper listening to “I Can’t Make You Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt Spotify: Jens switches to “All I Want” – Kodaline
—
Monday, Sept 19 – 10:44PM Jesper (to Sam):
is he avoiding me or am i losing it Sam: y’all are unbearable just kiss or kill each other pls
—
Tuesday, Sept 20 – 11:11PM Jesper:
i liked u more when u used to text me stupid memes at 1am
Jens:
i liked me more too
—
Wednesday, Sept 21 – 5:45PM Sam (in groupchat):
emergency team dinner 2nite. mandatory Yukinari: is this about the Cold War between our forwards Sam: yes. we’re sick of the eye contact someone moaned during passing drills. moaned
—
Later that night, Jesper texts Jens from across the dinner table
Jesper:
remember when u stole my fries like 3 weeks ago can’t believe i let that slide
Jens:
i was flirting can’t believe u let that slide
Jesper (2 sec later):
i didn’t i just haven’t figured out what this is or what we are or if we are
Jens:
been thinking the same and it sucks. not knowing
Jesper:
maybe we should talk like properly not in “are we joking” language
Jens:
what if we talk and it ruins things
Jesper:
what if we don’t and it ruins us anyway
—
Thursday, Sept 22 – 3:00AM Spotify: Jens listening to “Right Where You Left Me” – Taylor Swift Jesper listening to “From The Dining Table” – Harry Styles
—
Friday, Sept 23 – 6:03PM Jens:
movie night? i’ll bring fries you bring answers
—
Jesper:
deal but if u steal any again, that’s flirting and we’ll have to talk about it like adults ugh
Jens:
disgusting see u at 8 💙
🦐 Jesper [22:03] yo u alive
🧊 Jens [22:07] barely. what’s up
🦐 Jesper [22:07] i saw ur spotify. 3am sad playlist again?
🧊 Jens [22:08] don’t expose me i’m emotionally complex
🦐 Jesper [22:08] surely. it’s giving tortured artist
🧊 Jens [22:09] it’s giving “not sure where i stand with someone and spiraling”
🦐 Jesper [22:10] relatable content 😐
🧊 Jens [22:10] yeah?
🦐 Jesper [22:10] yeah
[pause in texts, 45 minutes of nothing. both online, both refreshing.]
🧊 Jens [22:56] do u ever feel like we missed a step somewhere
🦐 Jesper [22:58] what step bc i know which one u mean but i wanna see u say it
🧊 Jens [22:58] the one where we said what this is
🦐 Jesper [22:58] ah that one
🦐 Jesper [22:59] i thought we skipped it bc we were too scared of ruining it
🧊 Jens [23:00] maybe we ruined it anyway
🦐 Jesper [23:00] ur kinda ruining me right now actually
🧊 Jens [23:00] fair
[4 mins typing. stops. starts again.]
🧊 Jens [23:04] i miss when u used to text me abt what u were cooking. or when u’d pretend u needed help carrying ur groceries so i’d show up
🦐 Jesper [23:05] i miss when u used to send me ur match clips and ask if i looked good on screen or not like u didn’t know u looked hot
🧊 Jens [23:06] i miss when we weren’t pretending
🦐 Jesper [23:06] same
[long pause. both are at the mercy of their typing indicators.]
🧊 Jens [23:11] did we stop talking bc we got scared or bc we started talking to other ppl?
🦐 Jesper [23:13] scared. i think. i didn’t want to know if u were over me before i was over u
🧊 Jens [23:13] who said i was over u
🦐 Jesper [23:13] who said i was over u either?
🧊 Jens [23:14] jesus. okay.
🦐 Jesper [23:14] yeah.
🧊 Jens [23:15] can we stop pretending now
🦐 Jesper [23:15] pls. i’m tired. my spotify is unhinged.
🧊 Jens [23:15] mine’s been screaming “i’m in love with my teammate who won’t look at me for more than 3 seconds straight” for a week
🦐 Jesper [23:16] ok so what now
🧊 Jens [23:16] i come over?
🦐 Jesper [23:17] bring snacks. and tell sam ur staying at sven’s so he doesn’t ask questions
🧊 Jens [23:17] u already thought about this huh
🦐 Jesper [23:17] every night u didn’t come over
The Flirty Weeks (July)
Jesper 🤠 [15:43] welcome to the club, fresh meat
Jens 🧦 [15:44] thanks shrimp boy. hope the hazing involves less cardio
Jesper 🤠 [15:45] i'm in charge of cardio actually
Jens 🧦 [15:45] oh no
Jesper 🤠 [15:45] oh yes
Jens 🧦 [22:02] sam says u burn toast
Jesper 🤠 [22:04] sam also says “broccoli is scary” so what’s the truth
Jens 🧦 [22:05] come prove it. tomorrow. cook-off
Jesper 🤠 [22:06] u inviting me over already? scandalous
Jens 🧦 [22:07] i’m a fast mover. don’t u read my transfer history
Mixed Signals & Vibes (August)
Jesper 🤠 [18:33] u really wore that shirt to training huh
Jens 🧦 [18:33] what’s wrong with it
Jesper 🤠 [18:34] it’s illegal to look that good before 9am
Jens 🧦 [18:34] then arrest me. i’ll confess everything
Jens 🧦 [23:13] u going out w yukinari and milos?
Jesper 🤠 [23:13] yeah why
Jens 🧦 [23:14] no reason. just. hope u have fun
Jesper 🤠 [23:15] thanks. u too. wherever u are
(spotify activity: jens listening to "jealous" by labrinth. jesper: "stop stalking my music bro")
The Dying Text Thread (Late August)
Jesper 🤠 [20:12] training was brutal. did u survive
Jens 🧦 [20:45] yeah. barely
Jesper 🤠 [20:45] cool
Jens 🧦 [21:32] u watching the match replay?
Jesper 🤠 [21:50] might later. busy rn
Jens 🧦 [21:51] k
Jesper 🤠 [00:03] why r we like this
Jens 🧦 [00:05] dunno
Jesper 🤠 [00:06] ok cool same
Group Hang Hell (Early September)
Group Chat: The Boys ✨
Sam: movie night at mine!! bring snacks and ur unresolved tension
Yukinari: jens u want me to sit between u and jesper again or u gonna behave
Sven: i can bring uno. that should kill the vibe
Milos: i’ll bring wine. for me. i need it around u lot
Jesper 🤠 [privately to Jens] [22:14] i’m sorry i elbowed u in fifa. u just make me mad. and other things
Jens 🧦 [22:15] i can’t sit next to u rn. sven said i kept breathing weird
Jesper 🤠 [22:15] that’s just called having lungs
Jens 🧦 [22:16] it’s called wanting to kiss ur teammate during sam’s shitty romcom night
Jesper 🤠 [22:16] oh
The Night It All Broke (Mid September)
Jesper 🤠 [22:03] u alive
Jens 🧦 [22:07] barely. what’s up
Jesper 🤠 [22:07] i saw ur spotify. 3am sad playlist again?
Jens 🧦 [22:08] don’t expose me i’m emotionally complex
Jesper 🤠 [22:08] surely. it’s giving tortured artist
Jens 🧦 [22:09] it’s giving “not sure where i stand with someone and spiraling”
Jesper 🤠 [22:10] relatable content 😐
Jens 🧦 [22:10] yeah?
Jesper 🤠 [22:10] yeah
[pause]
Jens 🧦 [22:56] do u ever feel like we missed a step somewhere
Jesper 🤠 [22:58] what step bc i know which one u mean but i wanna see u say it
Jens 🧦 [22:58] the one where we said what this is
Jesper 🤠 [22:59] thought we skipped it bc we were too scared of ruining it
Jens 🧦 [23:00] maybe we ruined it anyway
Jesper 🤠 [23:00] ur kinda ruining me rn
Jens 🧦 [23:00] fair
Jens 🧦 [23:04] i miss when u’d text me abt what u were cooking. or when u’d pretend u needed help carrying groceries so i’d come over
Jesper 🤠 [23:05] i miss when u’d send me clips of ur goals just to ask if ur hair looked good
Jens 🧦 [23:06] i miss when we weren’t pretending
Jesper 🤠 [23:06] same
Jens 🧦 [23:11] did we stop talking bc we got scared or bc we started talking to other ppl?
Jesper 🤠 [23:13] scared. i didn’t want to know if u were over me before i was over u
Jens 🧦 [23:13] who said i was over u
Jesper 🤠 [23:13] who said i was either
Jens 🧦 [23:14] jojesus
Jesper 🤠 [23:14] yeah
Jens 🧦 [23:15] can we stop pretending now
Jesper 🤠 [23:15] pls. i’m tired. my spotify is unhinged
Jens 🧦 [23:15] mine’s been screaming “i’m in love with my teammate who won’t look at me for more than 3 seconds” for weeks
Jesper 🤠 [23:16] ok so what now
Jens 🧦 [23:16] i come over?
Jesper 🤠 [23:17] bring snacks. tell sam ur crashing at sven’s
Jens 🧦 [23:17] u already thought about this huh
Jesper 🤠 [23:17] every night u didn’t come over
☀️ Morning After: The “Wait, That Was Real?” Phase Jesper wakes up in Jens’ bed, and for like 3 full minutes, he just lies there, processing. Staring at the ceiling like, Did we actually do that? Did I really cry into his hoodie and say “I love you, but I didn’t want to say it first” while wiping snot on his shoulder? And Jens whispered “You don’t have to say it first. I’ve been saying it since August, just without words.”
Then Jens shuffles back from the kitchen—bed hair, two mugs of tea, one of them clearly in Jesper’s favorite mug. He sits on the edge of the bed, offers the mug wordlessly.
Jesper’s voice is still hoarse when he says: “So this is real?” And Jens just… cups the back of his neck and kisses his forehead. “You’re real. And mine. For real.”
⚽️ First Training: Attempting Normal (They Fail) Sam, Tijjani, and Yukinari IMMEDIATELY clock the weird eye contact. Jesper’s hair is suspiciously perfect. Jens looks like he’s seen God and got kissed by him.
They pair up for drills like always, but now there’s a weird tension in the air. Not sexual. Emotional. Like they’re one wrong look away from giggling like 14-year-olds. Jens keeps reaching over to adjust Jesper’s bib unnecessarily. Jesper calls him “sweetheart” under his breath. Yukinari. Is. Losing. His. Mind.
Tijjani: “How long has this been going on?” Sam, sipping his protein shake: “Since literally July. They just refused to read the script.”
🌙 First Night as Officially Together: Domestic Delirium Jesper: “So, do we like… go on a date now? Even though we’ve already done 500 couple things accidentally?” Jens: “I think you owe me a date after pretending to not be in love with me while stealing my hoodies.”
They order takeout, try to watch a movie, fail miserably because Jens won’t stop looking at Jesper like he invented light.
They kiss too much. Like way too much. Like Netflix asked if they were still watching and they were not because they were too busy being disgusting. At one point Jesper actually says, “Do you think the other guys heard us making out in the hallway?” Jens: “Babe, they knew even before we did. I think Yukinari started betting on us.”
📱 How Everyone Found Out: Sam posted an Instagram story at training with the caption: “Y’all finally? Took long enough.”
Jesper accidentally sent a heart emoji in the group chat instead of to Jens privately. Tried to unsend. Failed. Sven replied: “LMAO caught.”
Tijjani made them a PowerPoint titled: “Signs Jesper & Jens Were In Love All Along and Just Didn’t Know It” Featuring screenshots of flirty tweets, suspicious Spotify activity, and eye contact. Slide 12: “This was them texting each other across the locker room.”
🧨 Alkmaar, September 2022. The Groupchat Implodes. Group name: AZ Bubbly Boys 🫧 Group members: Sam, Jens, Jesper, Tijjani, Sven, Milos, Yukinari Status: spiritually decimated by the unsaid sexual tension
Sam:
can i say something or is the tension too thick in here
Sven:
say it king i already got popcorn i’ve been WAITING
Sam:
jens and jesper are in love and ruining the group chemistry by pretending they’re not
Yukinari:
finally
Tijjani:
10 points for bravery
Milos:
now make them kiss like barbie dolls and let the team breathe again
Jesper:
what the hell 💀 we’re literally just friends
Jens:
yeah lol we just hang out a lot and watch movies and stretch together and bike home together and nap on the couch
Sam:
you’ve literally been drinking from the same water bottle since august and think no one noticed
Tijjani:
y’all keep “accidentally” sharing dessert
Sven:
if i see another pair of cleats lined up side by side i’m gonna file a harassment report
Yukinari:
jesper wore jens’ hoodie to training last week and said “he left it at mine” LIKE IT WASN’T A ROMCOM SCRIPT
Jesper:
y’all are so dramatic omfg
Sam:
and ur so in love but sure let’s be cute and in denial
🥲 Meanwhile: Outside the chat. Jesper is laying on his back on the pitch after practice, looking at the clouds like they’ve personally offended him.
Jesper’s brain:
why does it hurt when he jokes about dating apps why do i check his spotify every night why do i care who he's texting why won’t he just say something why won’t i say something what even are we what is life why am i a shrimp with a heart this big
At the same time…
Jens is sitting on his bed, staring at a photo of Jesper tying his boots (taken very creepily from 3 meters away).
Jens’ brain:
i miss him and i saw him 2 hours ago he smiled at sven too long today what if he doesn’t even like me like that what if i ruin everything i’m gonna listen to “She” by Dodie again and spiral
😭 September spirals, no confessions, too many “dates”: “Accidental” dinners for two that ended with long walks home and no one saying what they actually wanted to say.
Training matches turning into eye contact battles like they’re in a K-drama opening sequence.
Spotify exposing them:
Jesper listening to Heather 6 times in a row.
Jens queuing Fallingforyou by The 1975 and then claiming it was “random.”
Crying to separate sunsets thinking the other didn’t feel the same.
Jesper rejecting a date with someone else because Jens posted a story with “jealousy, jealousy” by Olivia Rodrigo and he FELT THAT.
Jens literally Googling “how to tell if ur teammate likes u back and also ur European football dreams won’t collapse if u tell him.”