bubbly boys in various settings (i)

Published on July 27, 2025

OH ABSOLUTELY THEY DID. The Alkmaar Local Carnival Fair of Doom. A sacred annual event that should have been normal and harmless.

BUT NO. This turned into a group chat mega thread, a therapeutic milestone, a love story, and a battlefield.

Here’s the CARNIVAL CHAOS MEGA THREAD as archived in the GC:

[JENS] 17:12

carnival’s open should we go

[SAM] 17:13

i’m going if jesper wins me a teddy i deserve it

[JESPER] 17:13

no bc i’m winning it for myself and then giving it to jens which is romantic AND independent

[MILOS] 17:14

i’m going to scream i’m bringing earplugs

Phase 1: The Arrival

Jens parks horribly. Sven has to correct it.
Jesper shows up in a jacket that Jens “accidentally” matches.
Yuki bows politely to the funnel cake stand.
Sam is already chewing candy floss like it’s a stress reliever.
Tijjani has the energy of a chaperone who knows he will be betrayed.
Milos: “I came for the corn dog and the violence.”

Phase 2: The Competitive Chaos

Jens and Jesper challenge each other at the water gun balloon game.
They both lose.
Yuki wins.
Yuki hands Jens a prize and says, “Give this to shrimp.”
Jens blushes like he’s 12 and Jesper giggles like a shrimp.
Sam tries the ring toss and almost commits war crimes.
“THEY’RE GLUED DOWN I SWEAR.”
Jesper: “Skill issue.”
Milos dominates the hammer strength test.
Then cries because the prize is a pink duck plushie.
Sven steals it.

Phase 3: The Ferris Wheel of Emotional Damage

Jens and Jesper get a private seat.
Jens tries to confess something poetic.
Jesper interrupts by kissing him.
Jens says, “i was gonna say i love you.”
Jesper: “ok i’ll kiss u again then.”
Sam and Milos share a seat and immediately regret it.
Sam: “IF THIS THING FALLS I’M TAKING YOU WITH ME.”
Milos: “That's fair.”
Yuki and Sven are just. Vibes.
Sven: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Yuki: “I believe in cotton candy.”

Phase 4: Food and Oversharing

Jesper tries every food stall.
Jens follows him like a golden retriever.
They end up sharing a churro like it’s Lady and the Tramp: Football Edition.
Sam is now physically fighting a chocolate apple.
Tijjani sits and starts a “no relationship talk” rule.
Jens: “Jesper looked really happy just now.”
Tijjani: “this is what i get for trying.”

Phase 5: The Group Photo That Should’ve Been Illegal

Someone suggests a group photo.
Chaos erupts when they try to pose.
Jens is holding Jesper like a bride.
Yuki is meditating mid-air somehow.
Milos is pretending to cry.
Sam is in the back flipping off the camera.
Sven's eyes are closed.
Tijjani looks DONE.

Caption (from Jesper’s story): “Carnival with the clowns. Except Jens. He’s a prince.”

Postscript:

That night, Jesper texts Jens:

that was the best day maybe we should do more dumb stuff like this not the ferris wheel tho. too much emotions i love u anyway ur strength test score was pathetic but it’s okay

Jens replies:

shrimp let’s go again next year every year until we’re 80 i’ll still win you the smallest prize and love u the biggest

YOU HAVE UNLOCKED: “WINTER WONDER-FUMBLE: ALKMAAR HOLIDAY EDITION” (aka. two football boyfriends and one brain cell try to survive the festive season apart for five [5] entire days)

[1. PRE-LEAVE DRAMA]

Jesper: “We still have four days before we fly out, we should do something festive.” Jens: “Something festive” turns into:

Ice skating (Jesper = graceful swan. Jens = emotional fridge on blades.)
Watching Love Actually and arguing over which storyline is the best.
Jens bringing home one (1) decorative reindeer and calling it “Lil Jesper.”

Jesper: “That’s literally terrifying.” Jens: “It has your eyes.”

[2. The Gift Exchange (Unhinged but Loving)]

Jens gives Jesper:

A necklace with coordinates engraved (to the Alkmaar pitch)
A card that reads: “if i disappear it’s bc i followed u to Sweden”

Jesper gives Jens:

A printed photo of their first assist celebration with “it started here” written on the back
A “voucher” that just says “good for 1 (one) post-match kiss per goal. valid forever.”

[3. Everyone Else Dips to Their Countries]

Sam (to group chat):

may your love not blind you from drinking water. bye

Tijjani:

try not to cry on each other when you part ways for half a week. no but actually i’m counting on you crying. don’t disappoint.

Milos:

hungary is cold but at least not as cold as jens’ vibe when he’s jesperless pray for my phone battery. i will be receiving 32 rants a day.

Sven:

i'm not even in this relationship why am i still emotionally invested miss me with the pda when i return

Yuki (from Japan):

winter wind cannot freeze real love. but you both dramatic. chill.

[4. The Actual Goodbye at the Train Station]

Jesper: “Five days is nothing.” Jens: “I’m already dying.” Jesper: “I can text you every hour.” Jens: “Every minute is preferred.”

They kiss. Loudly. Publicly. Train conductor: “Sir this is a platform.”

[5. The Spiral Begins: Jens in Denmark, Jesper in Sweden]

Day 1:

Jens (to Milos): “i miss him. do you think the shrimp also misses me.” Milos: “i miss peace. please.”

Jesper (to Sam): “he keeps sending photos of my hoodie lying flat on his bed like it’s alive.” Sam: “send help.”

Day 3:

Jens FaceTimes Jesper at 2am just to show him he’s wearing their matching cleats around the house.

Jesper: “You’re literally barefoot.” Jens: “Emotionally, they’re on.”

Day 5:

Jesper sends a photo of Swedish meatballs. Caption: “something’s missing. it’s you.”

Jens replies:

“I will be back in 19 hours and 34 minutes. I packed your favorite hoodie. and the reindeer.”

[6. Reunion at Alkmaar Station]

Jesper spots Jens first. Drops his bag. Runs up. They hug. For too long.

Milos (watching from his Uber):

“and just like that, my phone shall now rest in peace again.” “welcome back, chaos twins.”

A DAY IN ALKMAAR: JenJes (23 & 24) ft. Their 5 Unwilling Third Wheels Starring: Jens (23, dramatic Viking), Jesper (24, tiny menace), Sam, Milos, Sven, Tijjani, and Yuki (suffering).

07:24 — Jens Wakes Up in Love (Again)

Jens: stares at ceiling dramatically

"ten hours without him. is this what war feels like."

Texts Jesper:

“i’m coming to pick u up. wear the hoodie. no not that one. the one i left last week. love u.”

Jesper (already awake, already wearing it):

“i knew u’d say that.”

08:02 — Jens Arrives at Jesper’s Apartment

Jesper gets in the car with two coffees. He hands one to Jens and smiles like it’s a weapon. Jens looks like he just received the Holy Grail.

Jesper: “You still drive the long route every day just for this?” Jens: “You know I’d drive to the moon if it meant I get five more minutes with you.” Jesper (fake gagging): “Cringe.” Also Jesper: leans in for a kiss anyway.

08:35 — At the Training Ground

Everyone stares as they walk in together. Matching beanies. Shared coffee cup. Jesper wearing Jens' hoodie.

Sam:

“Oh great. They’ve evolved into one organism.”

Tijjani:

“Is it legal to be this annoying before 9am?”

Milos:

“They’re like those swans that mate for life but do taxes together too.”

Yuki:

“Good morning. I try ignore them. Not work.”

10:00 — Mid-Training PDA Crimes

Jesper scores during a drill. Jens yells “THAT’S MY BOY!” loud enough to make a bird drop mid-air.

Sven: “You know the coaches are watching, right?” Jesper: “Let them watch.” Jens: shamelessly does heart hands

Coach: “Are you two dating or just deeply codependent?” Jesper: “Yes.”

12:15 — Lunch Chaos

Jesper sits next to Jens. On the same side of the table. Sharing one plate. It’s a sandwich. One. Sandwich.

Sam:

“Guys. It’s bread. You can each have your own bread.”

Yuki:

“They not share when it important. But now, one sandwich.”

Milos:

“I saw them split a protein bar yesterday. Like a divorce settlement.”

Jens: “It tastes better when he bites first.” Jesper: “Awwww.” Sven: “Shut. Up.”

14:30 — Gym Session aka. Jens Staring at Jesper Lifting

Jesper: deadlifting Jens: emotionally overwhelmed by Jesper’s very small but powerful form

Tijjani (to Sam):

“Bro’s in love like it’s the Renaissance.” Sam: “Bro’s in love like it’s a terminal illness.”

Jesper catches Jens staring. Jesper: “Enjoying the view?” Jens: “Every day is a miracle.” Jesper: “Cringe again.” Jesper: kisses Jens on the cheek

16:00 — Group Recovery Session

Everyone’s on ice baths. Jesper and Jens share a towel. Somehow. Everyone else: violently single

Yuki (towel over face):

“Love is warm. But ice bath still cold. Why.”

Milos (scrolling phone):

“I bet they're texting each other even now.”

Jesper’s phone pings. It’s Jens.

“hi u look cute in the ice.”

Jesper (out loud): “Get a life.” Also Jesper: smiles like an idiot

18:00 — Jens Drives Jesper Home Again

Even though Jens lives in the opposite direction. As always.

Jesper: “You could’ve gone the other way, you know.” Jens: “No. I couldn’t.”

Jesper: rests head on Jens’ shoulder while parked Jesper: “Do you think the guys hate us?” Jens: “Yes.” Jesper: “We deserve it.” Jens: kisses his temple “Still worth it.”

BONUS: Team Group Chat

Sam:

get a room.

Milos:

but not the recovery room. we’re literally in there too.

Sven:

update: they’ve officially killed romantic love for me. congrats.

Yuki:

love make world brighter. but also… shut up.

Alkmaar 22/23: The Bubbly Preschool™ Class Name: Rainbow Tigers Class Motto: “Sharing is caring, unless it’s Jens.”

STUDENT PROFILES: Jesper:

Role: That sleepy soft-spoken kid who clings to one person (Jens).

Always in Jens’ lap.

Brings the same stuffed bunny every day.

Will only nap if Jens naps too.

Once bit Milos when he tried to borrow his crayons.

Wears the same hoodie every day. It’s Jens’.

Art style: wonky stars and hearts with "J+J" in the middle.

Favorite word: “mmm.”

Jens:

Role: The tall, blond protector who carries Jesper around like a baby sloth.

Threatened to throw hands when someone bumped Jesper’s juice box.

Constantly tattling: “Miss, Sam said a BAD word again.”

Once gave Jesper his whole lunch because Jesper didn’t like the smell of peas.

Favorite activity: “being married in home corner.”

Quiet until he’s not. Loud only when defending Jesper’s honor.

Favorite phrase: “It’s okay, I’ll do it for him.”

Sam:

Role: The loud one. Every sentence is a story.

Starts every sentence with “Miss, you won’t believe what I SAW.”

Always has dirt on everyone.

Once snitched to Jesper’s mom over pretend phone.

Keeps trying to organize a protest about nap time.

Refers to Jens and Jesper as “the lovebirds” and gags dramatically.

Absolutely says “no offense BUT” before every savage burn.

Tijjani:

Role: Class clown, chaos agent, flips chairs for sport.

Constantly in time-out for “creative problem solving.”

Told the teacher the building blocks were “boring” and redesigned them into a football pitch.

Favorite activity: roasting Jens while kicking a ball inside.

Once told Coach “your rules are optional, king.”

Milos:

Role: Tried to be the mature one. Failed.

Lowkey competitive.

Wears those tiny fake glasses and acts like he's 35.

Always mad because Jesper never speaks and Jens speaks too much.

Once said, “This class is a circus and I’m not the clown.”

But then did a puppet show with Zen.

Favorite phrase: “I need new friends.”

Sven:

Role: Sweet boy. Always crying.

Cries for others. Cried when Jens and Jesper held hands too long because “it’s TOO CUTE.”

Hands out extra snack packs to everyone.

Keeps a little sticker chart and puts gold stars on all his friends.

Once tried to hold a wedding for Jens and Jesper with juice boxes as champagne.

Favorite activity: group hugs.

Yuki (Zen):

Role: The philosopher in a tiny sweater vest.

Speaks in proverbs. No one knows if he understands the lessons or is the lesson.

Once handed Jesper a leaf and said “quiet heart, big love.”

Helps Coach meditate during storytime.

Draws prophetic crayon visions.

Favorite phrase: “two body, one nap.”

Coach (Teacher):

Role: Emotionally done.

Knows something’s happening between Jens and Jesper but afraid to ask.

Keeps finding them cuddling under the library beanbags.

Said “This class has two speeds: feral and married.” OH YOU WANT THE BUBBLY KINDERGARTEN BACKPACK DEEP DIVE? Strap in. These gremlins’ backpacks are more revealing than a therapy session. And yes, Sam's came from Gucci. And yes, his parents wrote strongly worded emails about the yogurt-to-ratio policy.

BUBBLY KINDERGARTEN: BACKPACK EDITION

(Also known as “what trauma and chaos fits in a 15L bag”)

Jesper’s Backpack:

Type: Soft beige bear-shaped backpack with one ear chewed on.
Contents:
One (1) slightly sticky bunny plush named “Jesby”
Jens’ hoodie, size XXL, folded like a safety net
Apple slices that he didn’t eat
A love note from Jens that says “nap together later?” in crayon
A half-drawn heart stickered with “J + J”
Vibe: His backpack is less for school, more for emotional support. He only opens it if Jens does first.

Jens’ Backpack:

Type: Black with superhero patches HE sewed on himself.
Contents:
Juice box (not for him — for Jesper)
Two lunchboxes: one labeled “me” and one “Jesper’s”
A printed itinerary for the day with highlighted “naptime with Jesper”
Emergency bandaids (Jesper’s favorite dinosaur ones)
A drawing of him holding Jesper’s hand, titled “MY LIFE”
Vibe: Emergency husband bag. Constantly checking it. Wipes Jesper’s nose with a napkin from it like a dad.

Sam’s Backpack:

Type: Gucci Kids™ backpack in a limited edition color.
Contents:
Five mystery keychains. One might be cursed.
A snack pouch that costs more than your rent
A drawing of Coach falling down the stairs with “oops” written in pink glitter pen
A selfie Polaroid of him, Jens, and Jesper, with “MY DADS” written under
At least three notes from his parents demanding “individualized enrichment”
Vibe: This backpack is a threat. And so are his parents. Sam is absent at least once a week for “international Montessori exchange” but he always comes back with opinions.

Tijjani’s Backpack:

Type: Mismatched. No zipper. Covered in duct tape.
Contents:
Soccer cleats, a half-eaten cereal bar, and a rubber chicken
A note from Milos saying “STOP THROWING SHOES AT PEOPLE”
A picture he drew of himself as a volcano, labeled “I erupt sometimes”
Three action figures in compromising positions
A tiny punching bag keychain he actually uses
Vibe: Backpack of a misunderstood genius. Chaotic, but emotionally layered. May explode at recess.

Milos’ Backpack:

Type: Organized. Labeled. Possibly bulletproof.
Contents:
One (1) exact notebook per subject
Perfectly sharpened pencils in color-coded cases
A printed list of “Reasons Sam Shouldn’t Sit Near Me”
Two complaint forms, already filled in, preemptively
A note to himself that says “deep breaths. zen is watching.”
Vibe: Burned-out gifted child energy. Lives in fear of Jens speaking too loud and Jesper crying.

Sven’s Backpack:

Type: Soft blue with a duck on it. Has wheels. He does not use the wheels.
Contents:
A pack of tissues he hands out like it’s Halloween
Stickers. So many stickers.
A snack bag labeled “emergency share stash”
Two friendship bracelets: one for Milos (he declined), one for Jens (he accepted)
A love letter to his classmates, signed “I love you all equally.”
Vibe: Backpack of an emotional support friend. His backpack gets hugged more than opened.

Yuki (Zen)’s Backpack:

Type: Neutral beige linen. No brand. Possibly handmade in a monastery.
Contents:
Three smooth stones
A pencil case filled with quotes written in spirals
A leaf
A picture of Jens and Jesper asleep with “One Soul” written below
A drawing of Sam with smoke lines above his head labeled “Fire Talk Man”
Vibe: Not even a backpack. It’s a vessel. You open it and hear wind chimes and the ocean. He only carries what the day needs.

A DAY IN BUBBLY KINDERGARTEN LOOKS LIKE:

9:00 AM: Arrival. Jens carries Jesper in. Sam is late with a latte. Milos is already complaining.
9:15 AM: Circle time. Yuki says something cryptic about “clouds of emotion.” Sven cries.
10:00 AM: Art. Jens and Jesper co-draw their wedding invitations. Tijjani finger-paints violence.
11:30 AM: Snack time. Jesper only eats if Jens pretends it’s an airplane. Sam critiques the yogurt brand.
12:00 PM: Nap. Jens and Jesper cocoon under one blanket like a larva. Zen blesses them.
1:30 PM: Recess. Tijjani flips a scooter. Sam yells “WorldStar.” Sven asks if anyone needs water.
3:00 PM: Dismissal. Sam’s driver picks him up in a Bentley. Jesper holds Jens’ hand all the way home.

BUBBLY KINDERGARTEN: PARENT-TEACHER NIGHT Date: [Redacted, for legal reasons] Location: Chaos Hall A (formerly the nap room) Font: COMIC SANS. Unhinged size 16.

Jens’ Parents: Arrived: 6:45PM, sharply dressed. Brought flowers for the teacher.

Comments:

“Jesper is practically family.”

“We believe in gentle parenting and intense eye contact.”

Main concern: Why does no one else pack matching outfits for their son and his emotional support boyfriend?

Jesper’s Mom (The Scandinavian Thunderstorm): Arrived: On a breeze. The temperature dropped 3 degrees.

Comments:

“Jesper is sensitive. Jens is necessary.”

“If Sam snitches one more time, I will bring pickled herring to the principal’s office.”

Main concern: Why is there not a “Designated Jens Area” next to Jesper during all activities?

Sam’s Parents: Arrived: In matching cashmere and mild fury.

Comments:

“We didn’t pay 32k a term for yogurt lids that don’t peel evenly.”

“Sam is gifted. He should not be in time-out for simply speaking his truth.”

Main concern: Why is their son being emotionally disturbed by Jens and Jesper’s marriage during circle time?

Milos’ Parents: Arrived: One brought a folder. One brought boxing gloves.

Comments:

“We support honesty. But not Sam’s kind of honesty.”

“Milos has opinions and we’re not here to silence him.”

Main concern: Why was Milos suspended for throwing a chair after being called “a micro manager of the sandbox”?

Tijjani’s Parents: Arrived: Late. Chaotic good energy. Brought snacks.

Comments:

“He did bite someone, but it was poetic.”

“His volcano art was a cry for help and also a masterpiece.”

Main concern: Why wasn’t his side of the fight included in the weekly bulletin?

Sven’s Parents: Arrived: Nervous. Brought cookies. One wore a “#KindnessFirst” pin.

Comments:

“We feel the classroom is too emotionally loud.”

“He cries because he feels.”

Main concern: Sven’s emotional health after seeing Jens glare at Milos during puzzle time.

Yuki (Zen)’s Guardians: Arrived: No one saw them come in. They were already there.

Comments:

“Yuki is not our child. He is of the wind.”

“He communicates through clouds and scent.”

Main concern: None. They blessed the meeting and left without saying goodbye.

TEACHER’S NOTES (Written in Comic Sans Italics): Jesper and Jens need to be gently separated or else they will fuse and float away.

Sam should not be allowed to bring his personal lawyer to Show-and-Tell.

Milos is not wrong, he’s just very right at high volume.

Sven needs hugs, not more glitter glue.

Yuki said the class “reeks of karma imbalance.” He might be onto something.

Tijjani made a finger painting of the school burning. Unclear if it’s a threat or performance art.

Please stop using the suggestion box to vote Sam out.

Jens’ Parents Drop-off:

Parked with military precision. Jens gets out of the car already holding Jesper’s extra lunch.

Mom whispers, “Protect him.”

Dad gives a firm nod and says, “Eye contact builds trust. And dominance.”

Pick-up:

Spot Jesper clinging to Jens like a baby koala.

Say nothing. Smile with pride.

Jens says “We made matching hand turkeys,” and both parents tear up a little.

Jesper’s Mom (Ice Queen of the Fjords) Drop-off:

Arrives silently, but every flower in the parking lot bows in respect.

Adjusts Jesper’s tiny hoodie with surgical precision.

Glares at Sam across the courtyard and mutters, “Snitches get sprats.”

Pick-up:

Finds Jens asleep on Jesper’s lap under the slide.

Simply says: “You’re coming home too,” and nods at Jens.

Jens follows. No one dares object.

Sam’s Parents (Montessori Millionaires) Drop-off:

Black SUV. Driver opens door. Sam steps out in Gucci velcro sneakers.

Mom kisses the air 6 inches from his cheek.

Dad says, “Remember: the truth is a weapon. Use it.”

Sam immediately tattles on Jens for breathing too hard.

Pick-up:

Already on a Zoom call about lunchbox nutrition.

Sam’s report card is printed on parchment with bullet points in Helvetica.

Parents demand to speak to management because someone put a non-organic carrot in Sam’s bento box.

Milos’ Parents (Fire and Fury Inc.) Drop-off:

Dad revs engine 4 times before parking.

Mom kisses Milos on the forehead and says, “Start no fights. But if one starts, win.”

Milos walks in with fists already clenched and an emotional grudge from yesterday.

Pick-up:

Enter the school with Big Step Energy.

“So who made my son cry today?”

Teachers pretend to be busy stapling papers.

Milos proudly shows a “Peace Corner” sticker. It’s half-burnt.

Tijjani’s Parents (Poetic Chaos) Drop-off:

Late. Always late.

Mom says, “He has snacks in his shoes.”

Dad says, “Art is his priority today. Maybe math, if the moon is in Gemini.”

Tijjani enters with a cape made of napkins.

Pick-up:

Parents dance into the room like they’re auditioning for Dancing with the Stars.

“Did he write any manifestos today?”

Tijjani’s teacher: “Yes. And he bit a crayon in protest.”

Sven’s Parents (Softcore Pinterest Board) Drop-off:

Wore matching “Good Vibes Only” shirts.

Mom kneels to hug him. Dad gives him a meditation rock.

Sven cries because someone accidentally stepped on an ant last week.

Pick-up:

Hugs for the whole staff.

Sven reports that Jens glared at his sticker chart again.

Parents ask if they can bring gluten-free empathy muffins next week.

Yuki / Zen’s Guardians (??? possibly monks???) Drop-off:

Yuki materializes like fog. No car. No footsteps.

Guardian leaves behind a single pinecone and a whisper: “He has already arrived.”

Pick-up:

Sometimes they don’t.

Yuki just walks into the forest and somehow arrives home before them.

Teacher once asked if they had emergency contact numbers. The wind howled in response.

BONUS TEACHER COMMENTARY LOG:

“Today Milos and Sam argued about the sandbox economy. Jesper and Jens had to be pried apart at nap time. Yuki watched in silence. Sven cried because someone said ‘fart’. Tijjani painted a mural of ‘emotional capitalism.’ And Sam’s parents emailed again.”

JESPER “BUBBLE WRAPPED DRAMA SLOTH” LÖFGREN Symptoms: Sniffles. Sore throat. General feeling of betrayal.

Diagnosis Reaction: “I knew it. I told you I felt weird yesterday. Nobody listened. I want waffles. I’m dying.”

Treatment Plan: Nest built on Jens’s couch with 3 blankets, 5 hoodies, and one heated water bottle with a raccoon cover.

Behavior: Non-stop baby mode. Spoke only in groans and whispered drama. Watched 9 seasons of a cooking show while not eating solid food.

Crisis Point: Tried to fight a lozenge because it tasted “mean.”

Healing Moment: Cried when Jens made him porridge and said, “is this love or is this medicine.”

JENS “NURSE RATCHET WITH BICEPS” VIKTORSSON Symptoms: Got it after Jesper. Said he didn’t. Muscled through a 38.9°C fever in silence.

Diagnosis Reaction: Denial. Told everyone it was “just dry air.”

Treatment Plan: Jesper’s hot water bottle was stolen. Slept upright on the couch like a bouncer on break.

Behavior: Refused to admit weakness. Still tried to cook for Jesper. Burned toast. Didn’t blink for 6 hours.

Crisis Point: Jesper tucked him in and said “I’ll protect u this time.” Jens actually whimpered.

Healing Moment: Let Jesper put Vicks on his chest while Milos screamed in the background.

SAM “THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE” VAN GUCCI Symptoms: Headache, low-grade fever, high-grade attitude.

Diagnosis Reaction: "No. No. This can’t be happening. I have dinner reservations on Thursday. My lungs are artisanal."

Treatment Plan: Quarantined himself with Perrier, 14 candles, and Zoom yoga.

Behavior: Complained 24/7. Documented his journey on Instagram stories like it was Everest.

Crisis Point: Called his dad crying because his skin “felt too matte.”

Healing Moment: Came out of isolation, said, “being sick humbled me,” and then ordered foie gras.

MILOS “I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M NOT FINE” KÁDÁR Symptoms: Every symptom known to man. Still tried to play FIFA.

Diagnosis Reaction: “I’m okay bro, just... sweating like a donkey.”

Treatment Plan: Yuki took his temperature and screamed. Sam banned him from leaving his room.

Behavior: Sweated through three t-shirts. Yelled “LET ME LIVE” when someone tried to change his blanket.

Crisis Point: Lost a FIFA match while delirious and threw the controller at a wall he didn’t own.

Healing Moment: Sven brought him homemade soup and he whispered “you’re my real family now.”

SVEN “EMPATHY IN HUMAN FORM” BERG Symptoms: Got sick last. Still tried to care for everyone else.

Diagnosis Reaction: “I feel a bit warm but it’s okay :) want tea?”

Treatment Plan: Sam made him stay home. Wrote everyone individual get-well cards.

Behavior: Too polite to cough loudly. Tried to mop while dizzy.

Crisis Point: Started crying when Jesper said “shut up and rest.” (Jesper also cried.)

Healing Moment: Slept for 14 hours. Woke up and made orange slices for everyone.

TIJJANI “WON’T BE TAKEN DOWN” X-BLADE Symptoms: Cold chills, fever, sore throat, NO chill.

Diagnosis Reaction: “Nah. I’m not sick. I’m just warm-blooded.”

Treatment Plan: Refused to stay in bed until he fainted while arguing with Sam about oat milk.

Behavior: Had 6 naps a day but insisted on training. Coughed like a chainsaw. Jesper threatened to sedate him.

Crisis Point: Tried to do push-ups during a fever dream. Cried when Yuki said “breathe in, baka.”

Healing Moment: Yuki tricked him into drinking herbal tea. Claimed it was “spiked” with ancient magic. It worked.

YUKI “I AM THE HEALER” TAKESHIMA Symptoms: One sneeze. That’s it. Immune. Possibly divine.

Diagnosis Reaction: “Me no sick. Me monk.”

Treatment Plan: Home turned into full-blown quarantine spa. Diffusers. Rice porridge. Tea for days.

Behavior: Cooked for everyone. Sent haikus. Tended to each sick idiot with silent judgment.

Crisis Point: Found all six boys sleeping in random corners of his flat, snoring in harmony. Contemplated reincarnation.

Healing Moment: Whispered to the night sky: “me not sign up for 6 babies. but... me stay.”

AFTERMATH: Once recovered, the group threw a “We Didn’t Die” dinner party. Jens and Jesper brought sparkling water. Sam made everyone wear matching robes. Milos showed up in a tank top and sneezed once and everyone tackled him. Yuki brought a single candle and whispered “cleanse the sin of cough.”

🦟🧃🩸ALKMAAR 22/23 — MOSQUITO SEASON: BUBBLY BOYS VS. THE NIGHTMARE PLAGUE a mega-thread from the darkest months of bug-induced war. nobody won. not even Zen.

🌒 0. THE FORESHADOWING

The Alkmaar autumn was cozy. Crisp. Pleasant. Yuki Zen opened his window one evening. Took a deep breath. Sighed peacefully. “Alkmaar peaceful. No enemy. Me love it here.” He. Had. No. Idea.

🌑 1. THE FIRST BITE — MILOS’ STUDIO

It started in Milos' shoebox apartment (aka The PS5 Cave™). He texted the group chat at 3AM with:

“SOMETHING FLEW INTO MY EAR. IS THIS COUNTRY CURSED????”

By 3:04AM, he’d posted shirtless mirror selfies showing 7 bug bites on his left ribcage, 3 on his neck, and 1 in a forbidden location. Caption: “Hungarian blood is sweet. Help.”

🌕 2. JENS AND JESPER: THE BITE BONDING ARC

Jens woke up to find Jesper sleep-slapping himself.
Jesper, half-asleep and dramatic, whispered: “I feel... hunted. My skin isn’t safe.”
Jens: “Did it get your thighs again?”
Jesper: “Both. They’re swollen. Don’t touch me, I’m a fragile vessel.”

Jens, deeply overinvested, spent €80 on a mosquito net canopy on Amazon. It arrived too small. He used it anyway. He tucked Jesper into it like a prince in a medieval plague ward.

Zen upon seeing the setup: “...two boy. one cocoon. no air. too romantic. bug die but me too.”

🌘 3. SAM’S RICH-KID MELTDOWN

Sam. Was. Not. Built. For. This.

Bought 3 industrial-strength repellents from a Swedish apothecary online store.
Smelled like menthol and despair.
Came to training covered in bug patches, citronella, and wrath.

Sam: “I didn’t survive Montessori only to be eaten alive by flying needles.”

By week two, he accused Jesper of luring them in with sugar cereal breath.

Jesper: “I brush my teeth.” Sam: “Yeah? Then why does your skin taste like marshmallow? HUH?”

🌗 4. SVEN’S DOWNFALL

Didn’t believe in repellents.
“The Dutch air will protect me.”
He was wrong.
Came to practice with 11 bites on his ankles, weeping softly.

Zen: “You strong Viking. But bug stronger.”

🌖 5. TIJJANI FLIPS

Swatted a mosquito so hard it cracked the group’s shared Ikea mirror.
Went full gladiator mode.
Bought an electric tennis racket and named it “BUG JUSTICE.”
Used it indoors. During Zoom meetings.
Accidentally hit Sam. No regrets.

🌒 6. THE EMERGENCY SLEEPOVER

Zen’s apartment was the only place above mosquito altitude. He refused to host. Said no. Repeatedly.

But then:

Jesper cried a little.
Jens carried him bridal-style.
Sven showed up with bite cream and 1 sock.
Sam threatened to sue nature.

Zen: sighs, opens door.

“Me regret Netherlands.”

All 6 crashed on his floor. Milos brought raw garlic to chew. Sam sprayed the curtains. Jens snuggled Jesper and whispered: “I’ll kill for you.”

Zen: “You all die here.”

🦟 7. THE FINAL STRAW

A mosquito got inside Zen’s personal teacup.
He drank half before noticing.
Sat in silence for 5 minutes.
Then stood. Packed a suitcase.
Whispered: “Me go. Japan wait. Peaceful country. Respect. No air demon.”

He didn’t go. But they all brought offerings for forgiveness.

🌕 EPILOGUE:

Winter came. Mosquitos died.
Jesper held a funeral for the bugs.
Jens gave a eulogy: “They bit my baby. And that was their first mistake.”
Sam lit a €35 lavender candle and said, “Never again.”

Zen’s closing words: “Bug strong. Boys dumb. But… friends now. Shared trauma. One blood.” 🦟🙏

Want the Group Chat Receipts: Post-Mosquito War Edition next? . . .

☔️🌧️ ALKMAAR 22/23 — PEAK RAINY SEASON: WHEN THE STREETS BECAME SWAMPS, AND THE BUBBLY BOYS LOST THEIR MINDS A full mega-thread of wet socks, wet trauma, wet regrets. Zen feared no man… but precipitation? That’s his villain origin story.

🌧️ 0. THE RAIN BEGAN WITH VENGEANCE

It rained for 16 straight days. Zen, watching the forecast like a monk watching omens, muttered:

“Sky cry. Earth drown. Me next.”

💦 1. JESPER AND THE WRONG SHOES INCIDENT

Jesper: “No, because the crocs are waterproof.”
But he wore them in sport mode…with no socks… in a FLOOD.

By the time they made it to training, his feet were clammy, blistered, and radiating sadness. He had to air them out during warm-up, standing dramatically like a lonely statue of damp boyhood.

Jens, standing guard nearby:

“He’s too delicate for this weather. We shouldn’t even be here.” Zen: "He become sea slug. Still handsome. But slippery.”

💦 2. SAM’S RICH-KID PONCHO MELTDOWN

Sam’s parents sent a Moncler raincoat by overnight DHL.
He wore it once. It got dirty.
He cried in the locker room and screamed:

“MY MOM SAID THIS IS DRY CLEAN ONLY, YOU PEASANTS!!”

He spent the rest of the week in a clear plastic poncho from the train station gift shop, sulking.

💦 3. TIJJANI THE ANGRY DRENCHED

“I’m not wearing a raincoat. I’m not soft.”
Wore cotton hoodies. Everyday.
Looked like a wet sheepdog for 5 days straight.
Swore at clouds.

By day 10, he wrapped himself in trash bags and called it “budget fashion.” Zen: “You strong. But rain stronger.”

💦 4. MILOS — THE INDOOR FLOODER

Opened his window during a “light drizzle.”
Went to gaming sesh. Forgot.
Came back to his apartment raining indoors.

The PS5 survived. His mattress? Not so lucky.

He squatted at Sven’s for 4 nights, leaving trails of gamer socks and damp towel piles everywhere. Sven cried. Milos said “L” and opened another Monster Energy.

💦 5. SVEN, THE EMOTIONAL RAIN RECEPTACLE

Rain = constant quiet crying.
“This reminds me of Iceland, but less poetic and more Dutch.”

Would stare out the window dramatically. Jesper once walked by and asked, “You okay?” Sven: “I’m just… processing the sky.”

He slipped on a wet leaf. Twice.

💦 6. JENS, THE GRUMPY DRENCHED GUARD DOG

Carried two umbrellas: one regular, one small rainbow one for Jesper.
Got annoyed when Jesper didn’t use it because he “liked the feeling of rain on his skin.”
Muttered the entire way to training:

“You’ll get sick. You’ll get sick. YOU’LL GET SICK.”

He dried Jesper’s hair in the locker room with a towel he brought just for him. Zen witnessed it and whispered:

“This love. But soggy. Romance with fungus.”

💦 7. ZEN VS. NETHERLANDS: WEATHER BATTLE ARC

Yuki Zen wore the same waterproof jacket for the entire rainy season. He was the driest. He was the angriest.

One day it rained sideways. He stood in the middle of the training field, arms out, whispering:

“Me miss Japan. There, rain respect you. Here, it laugh at you.”

He made everyone remove shoes before entering his apartment. Sam did not comply. Zen snapped.

“You bring swamp inside. Now me wet. Now me angry. Me never forgive.”

☔️ BONUS: THE SHARED RAIN SHOWER INCIDENT

Jesper slipped into a puddle. Jens caught him. But then slipped too. They fell like a slow-motion couple in a romcom. Everyone stared. Zen: “Rain think it director. Make movie. Me sick of it.”

Sam: “Why does everything become about them.” Tijjani: “They’re literally fusing in the street.” Milos: “Lowkey poetic tho.” Sven: crying again

🌂 EPILOGUE

Sam begged his mom to fly him to Spain for “emergency vitamin D.”
Sven started journaling rain haikus.
Jens bought an industrial dehumidifier.
Jesper made friendship bracelets during storm days.
Zen finally snapped and taped a sign on his door:

“NO WET FEET. NO WET SOULS.” (written in Comic Sans, blood-red)

YESSSS BUBBLY BOYS GROUP CHAT LOGS: RAINPOCALYPSE + MOSQUITO OUTBREAK Featuring: sven crying, tijjani swearing, sam threatening to move back to his parents’ third home in Spain, and Zen slowly losing all will to live in Europe. (✨Format: Time-stamped chaos, no grammar, no sanity, just vibes✨)

☔️🌧️ RAINPOCALYPSE GROUP CHAT (March 2023)

Group Name: ☔️ moist bois international ☔️ Icon: a stock photo of a single wet sock

08:36 – Zen me wake up. outside cry. me inside cry. me no win.

08:37 – Sam WHO THE HELL STOLE MY CLEAR PONCHO I GOT IT FROM HELL (amsterdam train station)

08:39 – Milos probably my ps5. he get cold.

08:40 – Jens jesper’s wet again. can someone bring dry socks. size… small.

08:41 – Jesper excuse you. normal adult small.

08:41 – Sven me walking to practice like a waterlogged memory 🥲

08:43 – Tijjani who tf INVENTED RAIN??? u are not even creative. get wet. get cold. get sick. rinse repeat. DIE.

08:45 – Sam my moncler jacket’s waterproof soul is shattered

08:46 – Zen me say: Netherlands = land of crying sky me warn. nobody listen. now jesper look like sea sponge.

08:47 – Jens ok but he’s a very pretty sponge.

08:49 – Sven guys i just stepped in a puddle deeper than my depression

08:50 – Jesper my crocs are evolving. they have grown mold.

08:51 – Milos can i bring air fryer to training. need dry sock crisp setting.

🦟🔥 MOSQUITO OUTBREAK GROUP CHAT (September 2022)

Group Name: 🦟 itchy committee 🦟 Icon: a cursed edit of Zen karate chopping a mosquito

21:12 – Zen they bite me again zen skin now buffet me scream but in silence

21:13 – Sam WHY DO THEY ONLY ATTACK ME AT NIGHT??? I’M SWEET BUT NOT THAT SWEET

21:14 – Tijjani they got me through my SOCKS. my THICK socks. what is this BIOENGINEERING

21:15 – Milos i counted. 16 bites on my left calf. one mosquito winked at me before flying away. this is personal now.

21:16 – Sven i hear them. at 3am. whispering. planning. laughing.

21:18 – Jesper one bit my FACE. JENS LAUGHED 😭

21:18 – Jens you swatted your own face and said "who slapped me." i panicked.

21:20 – Zen me sleep in net. bug net. full wrap. me still get bit. no god here.

21:21 – Sam they went for my inner thigh. I FEEL VIOLATED. MY PARENTS WILL SUE

21:22 – Tijjani someone let a mosquito into milos’ apartment. he caught it. with chopsticks. we fear him now.

21:24 – Milos he was the general. i took him out. the war continues.

BONUS UPDATE 01:12 AM – Jesper [Photo attachment: Jens holding a bottle of OFF spray like it’s a gun] Caption: “We ride at dawn.”

01:13 – Zen: mosquitoes see jens and cry. mosquitoes see me and party. me tired.

🦐💥 ALKMAAR 22/23 MEGA THREAD: THE SEAFOOD MASSACRE AT THE BUBBLE BUFFET 💥🦐 aka: “Bubbly Boys vs. Expired Shrimp” Status: Chaos. Gastrointestinal betrayal. Zen ascends.

🍤 19:32 – Buffet Begins

The 7 gremlins arrive at a seafood buffet that’s seen better days. Atmosphere: smelled faintly like ambition, regret, and old mussels. They’re starving. They do not ask questions. They grab plates. Mistakes are made.

🧍‍♂️ Survivors:

🧘‍♂️ YUKI ZEN (Status: Untouchable)

Ate only rice, miso soup, and stared suspiciously at the shrimp like it owed him money.
"me feel vibe. vibe not clean. me pass."
Escaped unscathed. Spent the night brewing ginger tea for the fallen.

👼 JESPER (Status: Baby but Miraculously Fine)

Ate one piece of calamari. Decided it was “too chewy.” Went back to fries and sprite.
“I want ice cream instead.”
The rest of the night was spent spooning Jens (emotionally. and maybe also literally).

🚨 NOT SO LUCKY:

🥇 MILOS (First to Fall. Status: Writhing on the floor by 22:00)

“Bro this scallop is crunchy. Is it supposed to be crunchy?”
Was it the scallop? Was it the oyster? Was it the fear? No one knows.
Vomited in the Uber. Twice.

💅 SAM (Status: Claimed Dramatic Near-Death Experience)

“Do you know how many euros I spend on gut health monthly?! This is an attack on the elite!”
Laid on the restaurant bench with his arms across his chest like a corpse.
Called his mom mid-symptom to inform her that he might not make it.

🧢 TIJJANI (Status: Raging While Dying)

“I KNEW that crab leg looked shady but NO, y’all said try it.”
Screamed "I WILL SUE THIS PLACE" from the bathroom stall.
Left a bad Google review in the middle of the night. It was 2 stars. One for Zen.

😇 SVEN (Status: Delirious & Emotional)

Started crying around 01:00 because his stomach hurt AND Milos wouldn’t stop moaning.
“I just wanted one nice dinner together 😭”
Claimed he saw his grandma during a fever nap.

🐺 JENS (Status: The Last to Fall. Tried To Be Brave. Failed.)

Ate three plates. Claimed he felt fine.
“It’s just mild nausea. I’m not weak.”
…Cut to: Jens throwing up in Zen’s sink and whispering, “don’t tell Jesper.”
Jesper already knew. Jesper brought a bucket.

🍵 03:44 AM – ZEN, FINAL REPORT:

“me say. no eat fish with sad face. they not happy. they haunt stomach. me make rice porridge. me doctor now. sam say rich gut, now broken gut. milos cry. jens die a little. jesper sleep like lamb. me alone but proud.”

🌲🔥 ALKMAAR 22/23 MEGA THREAD: THE BUBBLY BOYS GO DEEP WOODS SURVIVAL MODE 🔥🌲 Status: No phones. No Wi-Fi. No common sense. Just trees, trauma, and Yuki Zen with a Swiss army knife.

📅 DAY ONE – "This is fine" energy

⛺ Arrival: 14:07

Group is dropped off by a mysterious tour van.
Milos already complaining: “Bro, trees make me itchy.”
Sam tries to tip the tour guide €20 to get his phone back (denied).
No signal. Everyone panics except Zen, who inhales deeply and says, "me home now."

🏕️ 16:30 – Tent Setup Disaster

Jens and Jesper set up their tent flawlessly. So flawless it’s suspiciously honeymoon-like.
Jesper: “Look, it even has an inside pocket for your love notes.”
Sven and Tijjani? Still tangled in a tarp.
Milos? Somehow used duct tape to stick his tent to a tree.
Sam is nowhere. He tried to follow a butterfly and is now lost behind a fern.

🔥 18:00 – Campfire Cooking (Not Good)

The “grill food provided” is suspicious. Zen pokes it. It pokes back.
Milos drops a sausage into the fire. Tries to eat it anyway.
Sam reappears with twigs in his hair: “I survived. Barely.”
Jens grills perfectly. Jesper eats from Jens' hands. Everyone vomits from the visual.
Zen silently toasts a mushroom and says: “no one deserve rice. but me kind.”

🌌 NIGHTFALL – Mental breakdowns commence

Tijjani: “This is how horror movies start. You all dead. Me final guy.”
Sven: Lying in his sleeping bag whispering, “I miss light.”
Sam: Wrapped in his Gucci scarf like a medieval plague victim.
Milos: Confesses he brought his PS5 in his backpack. No plug. No power. Just pain.
Jens and Jesper? Sharing a sleeping bag. Jens humming Swedish lullabies.
Zen sits cross-legged in the dark, eyes glowing, communing with raccoons.

🐿️ 03:12 AM – THE CHAOS PEAKS

Mysterious rustling.
Sam screams.
Jens grabs a stick like a weapon.
Jesper grabs Jens.
Milos: “IF I DIE HERE, BURY ME IN HUNGARY.”
It’s just a hedgehog. Zen named it Sebastian.

☀️ DAY TWO – Nature Regret

Everyone is sleep-deprived.
Sven has a rash. Milos’ PS5 is emotionally damaged.
Sam tries to fake a medical emergency to go home.
Jesper climbs a tree to “get better signal.” There is no signal. He just wanted to look majestic.
Jens gets bit by a bug and says nothing. He’s being brave for Jesper.

📜 ZEN FINAL NOTE:

“me say. modern boy not survive old world. ps5 not tent. bug win. me find peace. they find blister. camp make bond. but also trauma. jens and jesper too close. tent too small. me worry. me not ask. me go drink tea with squirrel.” 🧘‍♂️

🚿🧼 UNHINGED MEGA THREAD: ALKMAAR 22/23 – THE BUBBLY BOYS’ POST-PRACTICE SHOWER APOCALYPSE 🚿🧼 Location: Alkmaar Training Hub Showers (20 stalls. One dream. Zero rules.) Time: After every practice Status: “It’s not gay, it’s bonding.” – Milos, probably

🚨 THE LAYOUT:

20 beautiful, clean, individual shower stalls.
And yet, somehow… they treated it like a group activity.
Zen: “many door. still choose same door. human logic fail.”

🚿 STALL CHOICES BY VIBE:

Jesper & Jens: Stall 9. Always. The door is always LOCKED. Suspicious giggles. Towel falls out sometimes. Everyone avoids eye contact.
Sam: Stall 1. Because it’s furthest from JenJes. Also because he brings products. Like, 12 bottles. Moroccan oil. Avocado conditioner.
Milos: Uses the open communal spray hose by the wall. No shame. “I’m efficient, bro.”
Tijjani: Picks whatever’s next to Milos just to annoy him. Brings JBL speaker. It’s always blasting Dutch rap.
Sven: Gets trapped. Always somehow ends up between Milos and Tijjani. “I just wanted to rinse my knees.”
Zen: Stall 20. Far corner. Lit incense once. Brings biodegradable soap. Wears a towel like a monk.

🫧 THE ROUTINE:

Jesper walks in first. Towels his hair like a model. Jens follows.
Milos shirtless already before he even gets to the room.
Sam screams: “CAN WE HAVE PRIVACY?! JENS?! JESPER?! CLOSE THE DAMN STALL DOOR.”
Jesper: “But we are in love.”
Jens: “I paid for this stall.”
Milos throws shampoo over the wall like a grenade. It lands in Sven’s hair. Sven screams.

🔊 AUDIO HIGHLIGHTS:

Sam yelling: “IF MY AVOCADO MASK GETS CONTAMINATED I’M CALLING MY DAD.”
Milos humming the Halo theme while lathering his chest.
Zen whispering: “me feel danger in water air.”
Jens, softly to Jesper: “Don’t drop the—” CLATTER
Sven: “Whose foot is that?! WHOSE FOOT IS THAT?!”

💥 UNHINGED INCIDENTS:

1. Milos once brought a Nerf gun and sniped Tijjani mid-soap. 2. Jesper forgot his towel. Jens gave him his. Jesper walked out in Jens' boxers like it’s Milan Fashion Week. 3. Zen entered the room with a speaker playing rain sounds and said “cleansing now begin.” Everyone screamed. 4. Sven tried to play peaceful lo-fi. Got drowned out by Sam’s “Ariana Grande Shower Deluxe” playlist. 5. Milos declared war with a loofah. Sam retaliated with exfoliating gloves.

🧼 THE AFTERMATH:

No one’s ever dry. They just stand around yelling in towels.
Sam redoes his hair 3x. Jesper does Jens' too.
Zen meditates with towel turban.
Sven mutters “I want to go home” while searching for his left sock.
Milos steals the communal body wash. Again.
Jens and Jesper walk out in matching socks like they did nothing.
Zen: “they fuse. water not separate soul. me accept now.”

FINAL STALL SCOREBOARD:

Name	Shower Behavior Level	Chaos Score	Nudity Comfort	Soap Weaponized
Jesper	Flirty & Unbothered	8/10	💯	No
Jens	Protective & Weirdly Bossy	9/10	💯	No
Sam	Diva & High-Maintenance	11/10	5/10	Yes
Milos	Gremlin w/ Hose Access	💀	💯	Yes (3x)
Tijjani	Chaos Gremlin No.2	10/10	9/10	Yes
Sven	Traumatized & Damp	6/10	2/10	Involuntary
Yuki Zen	Eternal Monk	∞/10	Unknown	Spiritually

🧟‍♂️🚨 UNHINGED MAX MEGA THREAD: ALKMAAR 22/23 BUBBLY BOYS VS. “THE HAUNTED MORGUE” ESCAPE ROOM EXPERIENCE 🚨🧟‍♂️ Location: The #1 most terrifying escape room in the country Room: "THE HAUNTED MORGUE" — 90 mins, 12 puzzles, live actors, fog machines, and screams Time: 19:00 on a rainy Tuesday (bad idea already) Status: Everyone lost their mind. Especially Milos.

☠️ CAST OF CHAOS:

Jesper: Loud baby cheese cube. Thought this was gonna be “fun and cute.”
Jens: Came because Jesper did. Secretly terrified but macho-ing through.
Sam: Wore designer gloves. Demanded a flashlight that didn't exist. Brought hand sanitizer.
Milos: “Can’t be scarier than Hungarian grandma’s basement.” (Regretted immediately.)
Tijjani: Said he was fearless. 3 minutes in: screamed like a Disney Channel child.
Sven: Said nothing. Shaking. Cried twice. Wanted to go home.
Yuki Zen: Did not blink once. Carried the puzzle-solving. Said “no fear, only clue.”

🚪 00:00 — ENTER THE ROOM:

Room is dark. Smells like iron and regret.
A bloody gurney rolls past them unprovoked.
Jesper screams. Jens flinches but pretends to be brave.
Sam: “I swear if this is a jump scare-based experience I’m suing.”

🧩 00:05 — FIRST PUZZLE:

Zen already found 3 clues.
Jesper and Jens… stuck behind a curtain making out whispering.
Sam sanitized a bloody mannequin’s hand before touching it.
Milos licked a test tube and screamed “I FOUND THE POISON.” (It was fake blood.)
Sven clung to Tijjani like a koala.

👻 00:15 — FIRST NPC APPEARS:

A “nurse” NPC SCREAMS AND SPRINTS DOWN THE HALLWAY.
Milos THREW HIMSELF ON THE GROUND AND SCREAMED “HUNGARIAN EXORCISM NOW.”
Jesper RAN. Jens chased him, yelling “HE’S MINE, I MEAN IT’S FINE.”
Sam pushed Sven in front like a shield. Sven just cried.
Zen: “She’s pretty.”

🔐 00:25 — PUZZLE CHAOS:

Tijjani started arguing with an actor. “WHY ARE YOU IN CHARACTER STILL? JUST GIVE US THE DAMN CODE.”
Sam somehow opened a puzzle door… by accident.
Zen solved a morse code riddle while sipping from his thermos. “Matcha enhance clarity.”
Jens: “Jesper get down from the shelf.” Jesper: “I LIVE HERE NOW.”

💀 00:35 — REALIZATION:

They are stuck in the morgue freezer.
Fog floods the floor.
One NPC crawls across the floor in a jumpscare crawl.
Jesper screamed, climbed on Jens.
Milos did a flying karate kick. Hit a wall.
Zen: “She want hug. Let spirit connect.”
Sven locked himself in a drawer. Closed it. Wouldn’t come out.

😵 00:50 — NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE:

Someone accidentally pulled the emergency fire alarm.
It was Jesper.
Jens: “That’s my baby.”
Sam tried to call the manager. “Your horror nurse TOUCH my cashmere.”
Milos started speaking in tongues.
Zen is assembling three puzzle boxes in total silence. He’s glowing.

🗝️ 01:10 — PUZZLE ALMOST SOLVED:

All clues completed by Zen.
Everyone else is sweating, crying, hiding, or giving emotional speeches.
Sven: “If I die here, tell my parents I love them.”
Milos: “Tell Hungary I go down with honor.”
Jesper: “Babe if we die here I just want you to know—”
Jens: “We’re not dying Jesper, this isn’t the Titanic.”
Sam: “SOMEONE OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR.”

🚨 01:27 — FINAL PUZZLE: BLOODY LOCK BOX

Zen hands over the key like a spiritual sacrifice.
Jesper opens it. Jens is holding his hand.
Inside: A mirror.
Sam: “OH HELL NO. SYMBOLIC SH*T IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.”
An NPC screams behind them.
Milos SCREAMS BACK, loud enough to scare the NPC off-script.
They win. Sort of. They never come back.

🧟‍♂️ ESCAPE ROOM SCOREBOARD:

Name	Screamed	Hid	Solved Anything	Emotional Damage	Final State
Jesper	19x	Yes	No	Yes	In Jens’ arms
Jens	3x	No	Tried	Hidden	Protective tiger
Sam	7x	No	Yes (by luck)	Highest	Furious & fabulous
Milos	17x	No	Kinda	Deeply spiritual	Confused + bruised
Tijjani	8x	No	Argued w/ NPC	Yes	Sweaty & loud
Sven	11x	Yes	No	YES	Still in drawer
Yuki Zen	0x	No	SOLVED ALL	None	Ascended

👻 EPILOGUE: GROUP CHAT AFTERWARD

Jesper: ok but can we go again next week Jens: no. Sam: if I get touched one more time I will SUE Milos: I’m stronger now Tijjani: I won’t fight the nurse next time I swear Sven: I’m still there. please. come back. Zen: “Fear illusion. Clue truth. Escape life metaphor.”

🐺🌕 UNHINGED MEGA THREAD: ALKMAAR 22/23 BUBBLY BOYS PLAY WEREWOLVES OF MILLERS HOLLOW AT SVEN’S COZY DEN — “TRUST NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOUR ROOMMATE” EDITION 🌕🐺

Time: Friday night Location: Sven’s Cozy™ candlelit apartment, smells like cinnamon tea and betrayal Snack supply: 2 bags of paprika chips, 6 types of cookies (Jesper brought), Zen’s tea set, Sam’s wine (imported). Game: Werewolves of Millers Hollow — Virtual Moderator Mode (Sven refuses to play referee again after The Uno Incident™)

👥 PLAYERS:

Jesper — 80% wolf energy, 100% chaos
Jens — suspiciously silent, scary when he speaks
Sam — literally accusing everyone every round
Milos — too passionate, treats it like a courtroom drama
Tijjani — plays mind games for fun
Sven — the host, trusted until he isn’t
Yuki Zen — watching the world burn with a smile, only wants peace

🌕 ROUND ONE:

Roles assigned. Game begins. Virtual mod says: "Night falls. Werewolves, wake up."

🔹 Jesper IMMEDIATELY makes a noise. Everyone hears it. 🔹 Jens: glaring at Jesper before sunrise even hits 🔹 Sven: “It’s fine. He just bumped the table.” 🔹 Sam: “NO. He sniffed. That’s a werewolf sniff.” 🔹 Zen: “Maybe he dream sniff.” 🔹 Milos: “If I die first, I WILL haunt you all.” 🔹 Jesper (already giggling): “Heehee.”

💀 First night death: Sven. The host. The cinnamon one. DEAD.

☀️ DAY ONE:

Sven (ghost): “Unbelievable. I LIT CANDLES FOR YOU PEOPLE.”
Sam: accuses Jesper IMMEDIATELY.
Jesper: “Why always me? 😩”
Jens: says nothing. Too quiet. Suspicious.
Milos: “I’m just saying, if I WERE the wolf, Jesper’s behavior makes me hungry.”
Zen: “Let wind decide. I vote Thijs.”
Everyone: “HE’S NOT EVEN HERE.”
Zen: “Exactly.”

🗳️ Voting Results: Split vote. No one dies. Tension thickens. Sven makes ghost tea.

🌕 NIGHT TWO:

Jesper makes another sound. Again.
Sam: “I KNEW IT.”
Jens: holds Jesper’s hand under the table to stop his chaos
Zen: sips tea in the dark like a deity
Milos: “I’m going to transform into a real werewolf if we don’t figure this out.”

💀 Second night death: Sam. Face down on his wine glass. Betrayed.

Sam (ghost): “I LEFT MY HOUSE FOR THIS???”

☀️ DAY TWO:

Ghost Sam screaming in the background
Jesper: “It wasn’t meeeeeee 😇”
Jens: “I believe him.”
Milos: “You’re either in love or in league with the wolves.”
Tijjani (suspiciously calm): “I don’t even think there are wolves. What if we’re all sheep?”
Zen: “Existence... is questionable.”
Sven: throws a pillow at everyone from the ghost couch

🗳️ Voting Results: Milos is voted out.

Milos (NOT a wolf): “YOU ALL SUCK. EXCEPT ZEN. YOU’RE COOL.”
Zen: “You scream with passion. I respect.”

🌕 NIGHT THREE:

Jesper: silent. Too silent.
Jens: still holding his hand
Zen: lights incense. Purely vibe-based protection.

💀 Third night death: Tijjani.

Ghost Tijjani: “I NEVER EVEN LIED.”

☀️ FINAL DAY:

Left: Jesper, Jens, Zen.
Ghost squad: Sam, Sven, Milos, Tijjani, all screaming from the afterlife.
Sam: “IF ZEN IS THE WOLF I WILL EAT MY CASHMERE SOCK.”
Jesper: innocent giggle “Heehee”
Jens: “Let’s not vote. Let’s just agree.”
Zen: “We are three. Three cannot divide. Only collapse.”

🗳️ Voting chaos erupts.

Sam is YELLING. Sven is LAUGHING. Tijjani is throwing ghost shade.
Milos is trying to climb back into the game physically.

🎉 Winner: The wolves were... JESPER AND JENS. Yes. It was love AND lies all along.

👻 EPILOGUE:

Group Chat: Aftermath

Sven: I literally died first. In my own house. Sam: I’m never trusting a Swede again. Milos: That was an emotional workout Tijjani: I’m still convinced Zen isn’t real Zen: “Game reflect soul. Wolves hide in heart.” Jesper: 🐺🐺 Jens: 🫶🏼

UNHINGED MODE: MAXIMUM ALKMAAR 22/23 — BUBBLY BOYS VS THE UNDEAD World War Z Real-Life Simulation Experience (a mega-thread of emotional collapse, combat betrayal, and Sam’s rich daddy funding near-death bonding)

💸 Setting the Scene:

Sam casually drops 7x €450 for the Ultra Apocalypse Deluxe Pack because his daddy said, “Go be brave, baby.” (And kissed his cheek. Twice.)
They all show up in full panic gear, fancy headsets, interactive weapons, and semi-actual soldier uniforms.
Yuki: no English, no context, but fully prepared spiritually. “Today we fight karma.”
Jens: suspiciously excited.
Jesper: suspiciously clingy to Jens.
Milos: forgot it was a game and came in jeans and a Metallica hoodie.
Sven: wearing a scarf and said, “It’s for character immersion.”
Tijjani: downloaded military tactics from Reddit last night. He thinks he’s in Call of Duty.

🧟‍♂️ PHASE ONE: Safe House Breach (0:15 in)

Simulation AI yells, “HOLD THE LINE!”
Sven: screams, drops weapon, runs into Jesper’s arms
Jesper: piggybacks on Jens.
Jens: doesn’t even flinch. Has Jesper on one arm and shooting fake-zombies with the other.
Sam: “BRO IT’S FOAM. FOAM ZOMBIES. GET IT TOGETHER.”
Yuki: gives a final bow to the heavens and runs toward the danger with no gun

🧟‍♂️ PHASE TWO: Betrayal at the Bridge (0:36 in)

They need to cross a collapsing bridge (simulated). One player must “stay behind” to hold off the horde.
Jens volunteers. Jesper LOSES HIS MIND.

Jesper: “You’re not dying here. If you go, I go.” Sam: “Oh my GOD this is fake.” Milos: “Let them have their cinematic.”

They both dramatically “stay behind” and scream fake goodbyes. Yuki sobs softly. Sven cries louder.

🧟‍♂️ PHASE THREE: Milos Snaps (0:47 in)

Milos runs out of fake ammo and straight up throws his foam gun at the zombie NPC.
He yells, “BACK TO HELL, DEMON” in Hungarian.
NPC gets mildly concerned.
Zen: “That one not simulation. That is trauma.”

🧟‍♂️ PHASE FOUR: Yuki Ascends (1:10 in)

They reach the church checkpoint. All must hide silently in pews.
Yuki pulls out a haiku from his vest:

“To die or to live, Zombies eat soul and taxes— I choose ramen now.” * Everyone goes dead silent. Emotional music plays. It’s Skyfall now.

🧟‍♂️ PHASE FIVE: Final Stand at the Safe Zone (1:35 in)

Last stand moment. They're surrounded. Fog machines at full blast.
Jens and Jesper hold hands like it’s The Notebook.
Sam turns to camera drone and whispers: “If we die, tell my mother I never went to law school.”
Tijjani: “I’LL REMEMBER YOU ALL. EVEN MILOS.”
Milos: “DID YOU SAY ‘EVEN’?!!”

🎮 GAME ENDS — THEY SURVIVED. Barely. Emotionally? No.

🧻 POST-GAME BREAKDOWN:

Jesper clung to Jens for 45 minutes after.
Sven kept whispering, “I think I saw my grandma” and asked to call home.
Sam asked if the simulation team had therapy as a DLC.
Yuki bowed to the zombies and said, “Thank you for soul fight.”
Tijjani kept the fake grenade for memories.
Milos tried to loot the zombie costumes and almost got banned from the venue.

Sam’s Dad’s Text to the Group Afterwards:

“Hope everyone had fun! Glad you survived the apocalypse. Sam, I raised a warrior. Let me know if your friends need more trauma money.”

ALKMAAR 22/23 — POST ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SIMULATION BUBBLY BOYS GROUPCHAT MELTDOWN (ZOMBIE ETHICS EDITION) Title: “IF YOU TURN INTO A ZOMBIE DO I SHOOT YOU OR DO I LOVE YOU” Time: 00:17 AM, 2 hours after simulation ended. Everyone’s still in trauma sweats.

[BUBBLE BOY HQ] Tijjani: okay fr question. if this was real. like ACTUALLY real. and one of us got bit. what do we do

Sven: this is a bad idea. i’m still emotionally compromised

Sam: bro if YOU got bit you’d ask us to leave you in a dramatic fog. monologue and everything

Sven: i have the script ready

Yuki: zombie friend. still friend. just cannot bite back. simple

Jesper: if jens gets bit i’m getting bit too don’t care not doing this world without him infect me immediately

Tijjani: OH MY GOD bro you don’t even flinch

Jens: sent an image (it's a cartoon of a zombie couple holding hands in a nuclear field) caption: "together forever even if we rot"

Milos: what is wrong with you both

Sam: OK so let’s vote if someone got bit WHO would survive who would become zombie IMMEDIATELY

Tijjani: sam: survives because he’d bribe the zombies with daddy’s money

Sam: CORRECT

Yuki: sam will be king of undead. zombies wear gucci.

Milos: sven: zombie. immediately he fell on the floor 3 times in foam hallway

Sven: it was SLIPPERY and I got scared

Tijjani: scared of WHAT it was a cardboard man

Jesper: yuki: unkillable. doesn’t rot. vibes too strong. also maybe already a zombie. unclear

Yuki: i’m from future. we all zombies. think about it.

Jens: jesper: turns in 0.2 seconds me: shoots self so i can match his vibe we zombie husband now

Milos: I AM SO SICK OF YOU TWO

Tijjani: same. next time i’m going solo

Sam: okay but real talk what would we do if it was me bitten bleeding eye twitching about to go full zombie

Jesper: i’d push you into jens and run

Jens: I’D SHOOT YOU AND I’D DO IT WITH TEARS

Sam: ...

Sven: ...

Yuki: you are friend. but friend bite me i bite back.

Milos: sends zombie tier list he made in Notes app S: yuki A: sam B: tijjani C: sven D: jesper & jens (merged) F: me

Sam: what the hell is this grading system

Tijjani: YOU PUT YOURSELF IN F????

Milos: i know myself. i trip over sand.

Sven: can we do a part 2 of the simulation but this time real weapons

Everyone: NO

Yuki (final message): no weapon stronger than love of one zombie. bite with care.

[BUBBLE BOY HQ] Tijjani: okay fr question. if this was real. like ACTUALLY real. and one of us got bit. what do we do

Sven: this is a bad idea. i’m still emotionally compromised

Sam: bro if YOU got bit you’d ask us to leave you in a dramatic fog. monologue and everything

Sven: i have the script ready

Yuki: zombie friend. still friend. just cannot bite back. simple

Jesper: if jens gets bit i’m getting bit too don’t care not doing this world without him infect me immediately

Tijjani: OH MY GOD bro you don’t even flinch

Jens: sent an image (it's a cartoon of a zombie couple holding hands in a nuclear field) caption: "together forever even if we rot"

Milos: what is wrong with you both

Sam: OK so let’s vote if someone got bit WHO would survive who would become zombie IMMEDIATELY

Tijjani: sam: survives because he’d bribe the zombies with daddy’s money

Sam: CORRECT

Yuki: sam will be king of undead. zombies wear gucci.

Milos: sven: zombie. immediately he fell on the floor 3 times in foam hallway

Sven: it was SLIPPERY and I got scared

Tijjani: scared of WHAT it was a cardboard man

Jesper: yuki: unkillable. doesn’t rot. vibes too strong. also maybe already a zombie. unclear

Yuki: i’m from future. we all zombies. think about it.

Jens: jesper: turns in 0.2 seconds me: shoots self so i can match his vibe we zombie husband now

Milos: I AM SO SICK OF YOU TWO

Tijjani: same. next time i’m going solo

Sam: okay but real talk what would we do if it was me bitten bleeding eye twitching about to go full zombie

Jesper: i’d push you into jens and run

Jens: I’D SHOOT YOU AND I’D DO IT WITH TEARS

Sam: ...

Sven: ...

Yuki: you are friend. but friend bite me i bite back.

Milos: sends zombie tier list he made in Notes app S: yuki A: sam B: tijjani C: sven D: jesper & jens (merged) F: me

Sam: what the hell is this grading system

Tijjani: YOU PUT YOURSELF IN F????

Milos: i know myself. i trip over sand.

Sven: can we do a part 2 of the simulation but this time real weapons

Everyone: NO

Yuki (final message): no weapon stronger than love of one zombie. bite with care.

ALKMAAR 22/23 — BUBBLY BOYS IN AMSTERDAM: THE TAYLOR SWIFT ERA full itinerary + groupchat meltdown + emotional aftermath edition title: “sven cried to enchanted and it wasn’t even the sad part”

THE PLAN (one month before concert)

Sam: so guys. taylor swift. amsterdam. we go. Jesper: YES YES YES YES Sam: i’ll ask mommy and daddy to buy us all front row tix Tijjani: say less Sam: BUT NO Sam: we fight. we grind. we enter the queue. like peasants. for the VICTORY Milos: are you okay Sam: i’m in my era

THE TICKET WAR (t-30 days)

All 7 boys in separate rooms of Sam’s house. Snacks. Blankets. Zen candles lit by Yuki. Jesper physically shaking. Sam shirtless for some reason.

Sven: I GOT ONE Jesper: I GOT ONE Sam: I GOT THREE. I AM HIM. Milos: screaming in Hungarian Jens: i got the last two Yuki: no one breath. we did it

All seven: FRONT ROW. Sam: sobbing. said he feels like Taylor herself hugged him.

THE AMSTERDAM TRIP (weekend of concert)

Stayed in Sam’s parents' fully modernized canal house.
The guest towels cost more than Milos’ PS5.
Sam said: “act natural” while wearing a 200€ robe.
Jesper and Sam choreographed fan chants in the living room.
Jens stood in the hallway holding Jesper’s purse and jacket like a bodyguard bf.
Yuki brought crystal stones “for energy.”
Sven made friendship bracelets. Everyone wore one.
Milos pretended to not care but wore a “1989” hoodie he bought online.

THE DAY OF THE CONCERT

5AM:

Sam: "We queue. For the atmosphere."
Jesper: fully dressed, glitter on cheeks, making TikToks with Sam
Milos: “bro i can’t feel my toes”
Sven: already emotional
Jens: blanket around him, forehead pressed to Jesper’s shoulder
Yuki: performing tarot readings in line for other swifties

12PM:

They made friends with fellow Swifties.
Sven bartered half a sandwich for friendship bracelets.
Tijjani got interviewed by Dutch TV. Called it “the cultural event of the decade.”
Jesper and Sam did a choreographed 15-second dance to “Shake It Off” on the street. Sam screamed: “WE’RE GOING VIRAL”

THE CONCERT

Sam and Jesper screamed every lyric.
Sven cried during “Lover.”
Milos got misty during “All Too Well (10 Minute Version).” Lied and said it was pollen.
Yuki just closed his eyes and vibed, said: “taylor say truth today”
Jens didn’t sing. Just held Jesper’s hand the whole time. Didn’t let go once.
Jesper broke down during “Enchanted.” Looked at Jens and said “it’s us.”
Jens nodded like a man realizing the meaning of life.

AFTERMATH (3AM, post-concert)

Groupchat renamed to: “THE ERAS ERA (we’re changed)”

Sam: i touched god tonight Jesper: i can never love again like i loved in that stadium Milos: i accidentally bought a 120€ vinyl. Tijjani: worth it Yuki: if taylor was nation. i defect today Sven: we need a monthly listening party. Jens: jesper’s crying in the shower Jesper: i deserve it

BONUS: MILOS THE DAY AFTER

Milos: “ok it was good. she’s good. whatever.” Milos’ Spotify Wrapped: #1 Taylor Swift. 76,238 minutes.

UNHINGED MEGA THREAD: ALKMAAR 22/23 — BUBBLY BOYS AT THE SAKURA FESTIVAL (aka "Cherry Blossoms and Chaos") featuring: Sven (wholesome menace), Yuki (the only one who understood the assignment), Tijjani (flower war general), Milos (ate raw wasabi), Sam (Gucci kimono energy), Jenjes (delulu honeymooners)

[00] PRELUDE: YUKI’S DREAM COMES TRUE

Yuki saw the “Sakura Festival – Traditional Japanese Day!” poster and said, "Me want."
Everyone said yes instantly. Sam texted his dad, who immediately sponsored deluxe festival passes.
Jesper squealed. Jens smiled. Zen felt a prophecy forming.

[01] ARRIVAL: WHY IS SAM IN DESIGNER KIMONO??

Everyone wore traditional festival yukata.
Sam’s was custom Gucci x Kyoto collab. His geta were hand-carved.
Milos wore his yukata wrong and claimed it was "Hungarian freestyle."
Jesper wore one with small fox prints and looked like a Studio Ghibli NPC.
Jens wore black and gold with his sleeves rolled up = illegal.
Tijjani wore his like a robe and carried a bokken (wooden sword) like he was in Samurai Champloo.
Sven wore pastel blue and spilled matcha in the first 10 mins.
Yuki wore his with reverence. Also wore socks with the sandals like a real one.

[02] THE FOOD COURT INCIDENT

Milos: “What’s that?”
Yuki: “Wasabi.”
Milos: eats full spoon
The boy CRIED. Face went Shrek green. Sam tried to call emergency services.
Jens: "Bro we’re in a line."
Jesper handed him a mochi like a priest giving communion.
Sven accidentally took a bite of natto and almost converted religions.
Tijjani hoarded all the yakitori skewers and sword-fought Milos.

[03] THE TEA CEREMONY TRAGEDY

All 6 signed up for a quiet, serene tea ritual.
They were given strict instructions. Silence. Grace. Respect.
3 minutes in:
Jesper giggled because Jens tried to pour his tea and spilled.
Sam sneezed.
Milos dropped the matcha bowl.
Sven whispered "this tastes like pond water" and Tijjani snorted.
Yuki sat there in full meditative posture, tears in his eyes, whispering: "Me regret bring friends."

[04] THE SAKURA BLOSSOM PHOTO WAR

Jens tried to take a couple pic with Jesper under the cherry blossoms.
Every 5 seconds: someone photobombed.
Sven: held up a sign that said “Married losers”
Milos: fake tripped in the background
Sam: brought a tripod and tried to stage his own Vogue Japan shoot
Eventually, Jens had enough and snapped: "All of you LEAVE."
They left. Yuki stayed in the shot. Peaceful. Petals fell. Frame-worthy.
Zen later used that pic for his spiritual vision board.

[05] THE NIGHT PARADE & SAM’S DOWNFALL

The lantern parade was gorgeous.
Jesper and Jens held hands. Jens tried to be subtle. Failed.
Sam got shoved by a toddler, spilled red bean ice cream on his Gucci.
His mom saw on IG and texted: “Not aesthetic. Disappointed.”
Sam cried and bought another yukata on the spot. His fifth one that day.

[06] POST-FESTIVAL DEBRIEF AT YUKI’S APARTMENT

Everyone took off their geta and moaned about sore feet.
Sven claimed he had sakura pollen in his soul.
Milos took 600 selfies with fake samurai poses.
Tijjani refused to take off his yukata and said “me reborn, call me Lord Tijiwara.”
Sam spent 30 minutes curating a single story post.
Jens braided Jesper’s hair while Jesper napped with a dango stick still in his mouth.
Yuki brewed tea again. This time… silence. Peace. True zen.
”Me like this. No more sakura. Too much chaos blossom.”

EXTRA GROUPCHAT, 1AM Yuki: me hate cherry blossoms now Sam: AESTHETICALLY I WIN Milos: who’s ready for Oktoberfest next Jesper: me want mochi Jens: you ate 12 already Sven: sends blurry video of him chasing pigeons in yukata Tijjani: Lord Tijiwara never sleep

UNHINGED MEGA THREAD: ALKMAAR 22/23 — BUBBLY BOYS AT OKTOBERFEST aka: 7 bubbly boys, 6 liters of beer each, 0 survival instincts. Bavarian bootcamp begins now. Cast: Sven (homeland hero), Yuki (held hostage), Tijjani (pretzel sword), Sam (Gucci in lederhosen), Milos (public menace), Jens & Jesper (married couple trapped in beer hell)

[00] PRELUDE: WHO INVITED US. WHY.

Sven, proud Bavarian prince, said, “Bros we must go.”
Sam: “Yas, aesthetic lederhosen!”
Jesper: already making couple’s costume plans.
Jens: not thrilled, but too in love to say no.
Milos: “Can I ride the beer horse?” (no such thing)
Yuki: "Me no drink. Me scared."

[01] THE OUTFIT CATASTROPHE

Sven: authentic lederhosen, spotless white shirt, Tyrolean hat. Looked like Oktoberfest Pinterest board.
Sam: designer lederhosen made from recycled Louis Vuitton bags. Everyone stared.
Milos: cut his jeans into shorts and called it “Hungarian Bavarian fusion.”
Tijjani: wore his too tight, claimed he couldn’t breathe but “it made the thighs pop.”
Jens: wore it normally. Jesper tied his tie for him.
Jesper: embroidery on his suspenders said “Husband Material”. Sven wept with pride.
Yuki: wore a neutral beige hoodie. Refused to change. "Me anti festival."

[02] FIRST BEER TENT: THE FALL OF MAN

Sven ordered first round. Everyone got 1L mugs.
Sam: “It’s giving… hops.”
Milos: drank 1L in 3 mins. Went absolutely red.
Jesper sipped like it was wine. Jens drank his and Jesper’s.
Yuki held his like it was radioactive.
Tijjani chugged and yelled “PROST!” before anyone said anything.
Sven: "You must respect the beer!"
Milos: “I respect nothing.”
Chaos.

[03] THE PRETZEL INCIDENT

Jesper bought one pretzel. It was the size of a steering wheel.
Sam tried to pose with it. Milos bit it mid-photo.
A brawl broke out.
Tijjani somehow made a sword from 3 pretzels and fought a stranger.
Sven had to apologize to the vendor in fluent German.
Jesper cried. Jens gave him a new pretzel. Relationship saved.

[04] 3RD TENT: THEY FORGOT WHO THEY WERE

Sam stood on a table and screamed “WE WERE BORN IN A TAVERN!”
Milos did a jig. Spilled someone’s beer. Got chased.
Jens dragged Jesper to safety behind a bratwurst stand.
Tijjani disappeared. No one noticed.
Sven was befriending a group of 60-year-old German uncles. They named him “Young Gunther.”
Yuki, sitting alone on a hay bale, texted the group:

“me tired. me beer allergic. me regret.”

[05] EMERGENCY SEARCH: WHERE IS TIJJANI

At 7:30PM someone realized Tijjani was missing.
Groupchat:
Jesper: where is tiji?
Milos: he ascended
Yuki: me smell schnitzel. me think he follow meat
Sven: sends location pin “he at techno tent.”
Found Tijjani dancing with 3 tourists to “Barbie Girl.” In lederhosen.
Claimed he was on a spiritual journey.

[06] THE JENSJES MELTDOWN

Jens too drunk. Spilled beer on Jesper’s vest. Jesper fumed.
Small squabble. Sven yelled “Not HERE! NOT IN BAVARIA!”
They made up in 12 seconds. Shared a sausage. Held hands under the bench.
Sam caught it on IG story and added Taylor Swift’s You Are in Love.

[07] ENDGAME: NIGHTFALL AND FATE

Sven led them to the Ferris wheel. Half were vomiting.
Milos refused to leave. Had to be dragged by both Yuki and Sam.
Yuki finally took one sip of beer at 11:47PM. Face went pale. Said "me see ghost."
Sam dropped 100€ on Oktoberfest merch. Bought everyone matching hats.
Jesper passed out on Jens’ shoulder. Jens carried him.
Sven was proud. Said: "I raised them Bavarian tonight."
Tijjani was doing push-ups in the parking lot.

POST OKTOBERFEST GROUPCHAT: Yuki: me never again Sam: aesthetic 10/10, liver -5/10 Jesper: why my lederhosen smell like mustard Jens: because milos Milos: I found the horse btw Tijjani: next year we do Oktoberfest in Budapest Sven: I cry. So proud. Bavarian warriors all

ALKMAAR 22/23: BUBBLY BOYS BIRTHDAY SAGA (Because no boy shall pass through the year without chaos, cake, and deeply unhinged celebration. Mega thread begins.)

1. JESPER — 25 JULY 2022 — turned 24 Status: Not dating Jens yet, but the flirting was hotter than Alkmaar summer pavement.

Jens: started panicking on 15/7. Googled “how to confess to blonde boy who says weird things in Swedish and makes my heart beat weird”
Surprise Picnic: Thrown by Sam and Milos. Took place in the park. There was a cake with little raccoons on top. Jesper wore a dumb hat that said “Cheese Prince.”
Jens: gifted him a pair of custom shin guards with “J.K.” on one and a tiny Danish flag on the other. Jesper: blushed for 72 hours straight.
Yuki: gave him a rock. Said, “This me. You hold. No cry.”
Group present: a tiny raccoon plushie. Jesper sleeps with it.

2. TIJJANI — 29 JULY 2022 — turned 24 Status: Birthday Bro Energy with Jesper. Co-celebrated.

His party theme: “Tijjani’s Gym Jungle” — everyone had to do dumb physical challenges before cake.
Sam: hired someone to dress as a tiger and chase them during tag.
Milos and Sven: accidentally injured each other during wheelbarrow races.
Jens and Jesper: kept getting distracted “stretching” together.
Yuki: climbed a tree mid-party. No one asked him to. He just said, “me like view.”
Jesper: gave him a handmade card that said “Thank you for being built different. Your muscles protect our hearts.”

3. MILOS — 9 NOVEMBER 2022 — turned 19 Status: Jenjes officially dating. Everyone suffering.

Theme: “Teen Ending, Chaos Ascending”
They threw him a fake “kid’s party” with bouncy castles, balloons, and juice boxes. But the bouncy castle was spiked with confetti cannons.
Jesper and Jens: showed up holding hands and got booed for being “disgustingly in love.”
Sam: gave him a 200 euro cologne and said “Don’t smell like training boots anymore.”
Sven: gifted him a beanbag chair that he claimed was haunted.
Yuki: handed him a fish-shaped cookie and said “this you. silent but fast.”

4. SAM — 17 NOVEMBER 2022 — turned 24 Status: Samella Met Gala.

Theme: “My Childhood Through Swarovski”
Venue: rented out a gallery space. Champagne fountain. Baby photos projected on every wall.
Guest list: Included extended family, two Dutch influencers, and possibly the mayor.
PowerPoint: 87 slides. Included “Sam’s First Steps” and “Sam’s Year Abroad Where He Discovered Spain.”
Jens: threatened to quit the group chat after being seated next to Sam’s rich uncle.
Jesper: snuck 8 canapés into his pockets.
Yuki: wore all black, walked in late, bowed silently, and left early. Still the most memorable guest.

5. SVEN — 9 MARCH 2023 — turned 23 Status: Resident dad. Birthday was forced chill.

Theme: “Sven’s Chill Night”
Everyone: tried to be normal. Failed immediately.
They cooked dinner for him. Jens burned the pasta. Jesper stirred everything but only in the wrong direction.
Milos: brought a Nerf gun for “light fun.” They ended up breaking a lamp.
Yuki: gifted Sven a bonsai and whispered “you… need patience.”
Sven: cried. A little.

6. JENS — 31 MARCH 2023 — turned 24 Status: Deep in Jenjes.

Theme: “Danish Viking Soft Launch”
Jesper organized a fake treasure hunt. Clues were little notes with bad drawings of Jens.
Final treasure: A box full of letters Jesper wrote from July until March, titled “in case i was too stupid to say it out loud.”
Jens: choked on air.
Group gift: personalized robe that said “#1 Grumpy Boy”
Sam: made a speech. 3 minutes of roasting, 10 seconds of love.
Yuki: gave him a pendant. Said “keep. if sad, hold. or bite.”

7. YUKINARI — 28 JUNE 2023 — turned 23 Status: Aura at full strength.

Theme: “Do Nothing. Achieve Enlightenment.”
Yuki forbade all gifts. Said “me exist. that enough.”
The boys threw a silent tea party. No music. No loud voices. They all sat on the floor in socks and passed matcha cookies.
Jens: accidentally sneezed and apologized 8 times.
Jesper: wore a headband and said “me zen now.”
Milos: fell asleep on the mat.
Sven: whispered “is this a cult?”
Yuki: gifted everyone a stone and said “carry. protect soul. don’t drop or… maybe you cursed.”